I know I ain’t the only one who thought this three weeks ago when the National Football League opened up their 2020 season — however, as the Bandwagon Jumper In Chief it’s incumbent on me to regurgitate what we were thinking then . . .
In this crazy, turned upside down world (thank you Kung Flu and Politicians) where everyone is scared and everyone is angry and everyone seems to be lashing out at anyone who breathes “untruths,” one thing has given me hope. As I’m floating down this river of despair, I see a branch I can reach out and grab a hold of. That branch, that glimmer of hope showing me the world is returning to normal is the NFL franchise called Your Detroit Lions.
The Lions lose in the worst ways. And, they win when least expected. So, instead of being a bitter Lions fan, I will publicly say, “Thank you Lions for sucking.”
Thank you, Detroit Lions for being the rock of stability in an otherwise shaky universe. GO LIONS!
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It is disheartening to watch, hear, read current events these days. That said, maybe it’s time to go back and re-read history.
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Okay, by a show of hands out there, who wants a little levity thrown their way? Yeah, me too. Since we’re in agreement, here are some little diddities I’ve had around for a while.
Great truths about life
that little children have learned
No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.
Great truths about life
that adults have learned
Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
Wrinkles don’t hurt.
Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
The four stages of life
You believe in Santa Claus.
You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
You are Santa Claus.
You look like Santa Claus.
Do you have other rays of sunshine to share, send them in (please).
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And, from ye ol’ e-mail box:
Hi Don, In ‘harmony and love’ with your piece in The Citizen. Being 80, I ramble along, wearing a mask in public places to appease the more militant EMS drivers, or whomever, that patrol the streets and stores of Michigan, ready to confront, educate or berate the “unwearing” amongst us.
I am told I am among “the most likely” to succumb to the “invisible” COVID 19 monster that has the attention of the world, at present. Yet, I am old enough to have survived the Polio invasion as a child and I can’t remember how many other scourges that have beset mankind. From my experience I can state with confidence that “this little bug” isn’t going away anytime soon.
As our little children develop the immunity necessary to defend the human race, covering the surface of this old planet and the COVID 19 virus learns how to occupy its host without killing same, maybe it’s best to conform and wear a mask . . . without fear and a continued love of our “other soul mates” confined in human bodies, as are we.
— Haley H.
What do you think: Send your ideas, jokes and comments to DontRushDon@gmail.com