‘Tis hunting season, so a scatter-gun column

‘Tis hunting season, so a scatter-gun column
In 1898 a bike path from Toledo to the Straits was proposed. The editor of the Lapeer, (Michigan) Clarion editorialized, ‘I hope it passes.?
Modern needles came into use in 1545.
President Lincoln called 90,119 men from Michigan to the Civil War from April 15, 1861 to April 14, 1862 to serve three months to three years.
Broccoli seeds will maintain their vitality from five to six years. These last three items came from the 1893 edition of Conklin’s Handy Manual of Useful Information.? There’s so much useless information in its pages.
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Sometimes people are blessed with good luck, like seaman Roy Dikkers during World War II.
He was sealed in a compartment when a German torpedo struck his tanker. He was freed by a second torpedo explosion.
Racing on deck he found the sea around the floundering vessel ablaze with oil fire. He never had to make the fateful decision whether to stay with the sinking ship or risk the fiery sea.
A third torpedo flew him from the scene, beyond the oil slick. Landing him near a floating raft, he crawled aboard and was found by a Norwegian freighter three days later.
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Recall this Aesop fable?
Once there was a dog (not Shayna) who was given a fine, meaty bone. With the bone firmly between his teeth, the dog trotted homeward, thinking what a fine meal he was going to have.
On the way, he had to cross a narrow brook. As he looked over the side of the bridge, he caught sight of his own reflection in the water.
Thinking it was another dog carrying a bone between his teeth, the foolish animal made up his mind that he would have that bone, too.
He leaned over and snapped at the dog beneath him. As he did, his bone fell into the water and was lost.
Moral: Be careful you don’t lose what you have by trying to get more.
You will never see that sentence posted in a casino or at the New York Stock Exchange.
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Bytes of humor:
Q. Where do computers go on vacation?
A. To the Big Apple.

Q. What’s the best way to park a computer?
A. You back it up.
Q. What did the football punter do to the computer?
A. He booted it up.

Q. What happens when you cross a computer with an elephant?
A. You get loads of memory.
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Groucho Marx: ‘Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men. The other 999 follow women.?
George Burns: ‘It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth.?
James Thurber: ‘I hate women because they always know where things are.?
Rodney Dangerfield: When I was a kid I got no respect. I said to my mother, ‘I’m going to run away from home!? She said, ‘On your mark . . .!?
Ann Landers: ‘Assume nothing. Inside every dumb blonde may be a very smart brunette.?
Charlie Chaplin: ‘In the end, everything is a gag.?
Jim Sherman: ‘Have a great November.?

In 1898 a bike path from Toledo to the Straits was proposed. The editor of the Lapeer, (Michigan) Clarion editorialized, ‘I hope it passes.?
Modern needles came into use in 1545.
President Lincoln called 90,119 men from Michigan to the Civil War from April 15, 1861 to April 14, 1862 to serve three months to three years.
Broccoli seeds will maintain their vitality from five to six years. These last three items came from the 1893 edition of Conklin’s Handy Manual of Useful Information.? There’s so much useless information in its pages.
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Sometimes people are blessed with good luck, like seaman Roy Dikkers during World War II.
He was sealed in a compartment when a German torpedo struck his tanker. He was freed by a second torpedo explosion.
Racing on deck he found the sea around the floundering vessel ablaze with oil fire. He never had to make the fateful decision whether to stay with the sinking ship or risk the fiery sea.
A third torpedo flew him from the scene, beyond the oil slick. Landing him near a floating raft, he crawled aboard and was found by a Norwegian freighter three days later.
– – – 0 – – –
Recall this Aesop fable?
Once there was a dog (not Shayna) who was given a fine, meaty bone. With the bone firmly between his teeth, the dog trotted homeward, thinking what a fine meal he was going to have.
On the way, he had to cross a narrow brook. As he looked over the side of the bridge, he caught sight of his own reflection in the water.
Thinking it was another dog carrying a bone between his teeth, the foolish animal made up his mind that he would have that bone, too.
He leaned over and snapped at the dog beneath him. As he did, his bone fell into the water and was lost.
Moral: Be careful you don’t lose what you have by trying to get more.
You will never see that sentence posted in a casino or at the New York Stock Exchange.
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Bytes of humor:
Q. Where do computers go on vacation?
A. To the Big Apple.
Q. What’s the best way to park a computer?
A. You back it up.
Q. What did the football punter do to the computer?
A. He booted it up.
Q. What happens when you cross a computer with an elephant?
A. You get loads of memory.
– – – 0 – – –
Groucho Marx: ‘Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men. The other 999 follow women.?
George Burns: ‘It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth.?
James Thurber: ‘I hate women because they always know where things are.?
Rodney Dangerfield: When I was a kid I got no respect. I said to my mother, ‘I’m going to run away from home!? She said, ‘On your mark . . .!?
Ann Landers: ‘Assume nothing. Inside every dumb blonde may be a very smart brunette.?
Charlie Chaplin: ‘In the end, everything is a gag.?
Jim Sherman: ‘Have a great November.?