Newspapers that rely on subscriptions for circulation (which generates advertising dollars) have lost readers for some years now. Dailies have been particularly hard hit, but so have many weeklies.
As a person who has had newspaper ink in my blood for 50-plus years, I’ve recently noticed a trend of reporters and editors lengthening their stories. Almost no front page story is completed there on the front page. They may jump a couple pages.
When we started in this business (weekly) all stories on the front page were completed there . . . weddings, sports, millages, accidents, whatever, it didn’t matter. Now stories go on ad infinitum.
As publisher I preached quick and short sentences, get into the topic and get out. I figured we wouldn’t have a reader long, what with all the demands (real or imagined) for their time.
The same is true with column writers. Though my columns are relatively short, I’ll admit, keeping them on one theme isn’t easy when one’s thoughts are short.
Like: You know you’re getting old when more and more sales people are offering you lifetime guarantees.
Because, you know you’re getting old when you are no longer interested in lifetime guarantees.
See, short and easy — but where is the middle? How do you fill the space in between those two sentences to make a single-themed column?
Chesor, the cholesterol attacking pharmaceutical, has and ad that says, ‘See our ad in GOLF magazine.? Are they saying golfers are predominantly fat?
For Christmas I got a big, pink piggy bank that oinks when coins are slipped in the slot. That’s not hard to figure out is it? Drop coin, oink! The instructions, however, came in Deutsch, Italiano, Nederlands, Svenska, Dansk, Norsk, Portuguese, Suomi, three oriental tongues, Evvhinka (the vv’s are upside down), English, Francais and Espanol. Why all the instructions?
When in a grocery store trying to decide between brands I often wait until a lady (who looks like a cooker) comes by to ask her suggestions. Recently I needed a spaghetti sauce. I couldn’t even find those words on a label. The lady said, ‘My favorite is Barilla, hope you like it.? I did.
I always thought PETA was an acronym for People for Ethical Treatment of Animals. Following a beat up, old pickup recently I learned another acronym. His bumper sticker read: People Eating Tasty Animals.
When a recipe calls for a pinch of salt are they referring to some diminutive lady’s fingers or a sumo wrestler’s? This one really got me when making a Mexican casserole recently: One onion.
Do you know how many sizes of onions are at our farmer’s market? A recipe for cooking a whole chicken sitting on a can of beer calls for an onion or potato to be stuffed in its neck. I drank the beer, cut the chicken in half and put it on the grill.
I haven’t shot a deer or caught more than two fish a season for years, so why do I keep reading Gander Mountain, Cabela’s and Bass Pro ads? Same is true with golf magazines. I know it’s the magician not the wand. Clothes, reels and stroke counters won’t help me.
My dog, Shayna, says, ‘He took me to dog training for eight sessions and I finally have him believing I’ll come when I darn well please.?
Bacon update: Daughter Luan continues her Michigan Bacon of the Month Club offerings. The latest is ‘Old Fashioned Bacon? from Olsen’s Market in Petoskey. It comes from the Circle M Ranch, South Straits Highway, Wolverine.
It’s thick sliced and fries the crispiest of all the 14 other brands of bacon given me by daughters. It has a great taste and its aroma lingers long in our house, which is good.
So there you have it: one column many thoughts. What do you like bettter?