For the most part I have little sympathy for chronic complainers. I guess, if you get right down to it, I have little sympathy for complainers, period.
Whine, whine, whine.
Moan, moan, moan.
Complain, complain, complain, blah, blah, blah. I guess I am not that nice of a guy — definitely not sympathetic. But, if it makes you feel better, you can call me a hypocrite, because I intend to whine, moan and complain in the paragraphs to follow. If you’re like me and don’t want to waste your time while I express my dissatisfaction, please turn the page. However, if you like to gawk at car wrecks, if you love to share in the misery of others (if only from afar), square up to the bar, order a pint and we can cry in our beers together.
Let the bellyaching commence!
For the last 10 years computers have made life easier. The internet has brought a wealth of information to our fingertips — not to mention a veritable cornucopia of naked lady images, but I digress . . . ahem.
With the internet has come electronic mail. And, while e-mail is a great way to stay in touch with folks you wouldn’t spend a dime to call or 40 cents to buy a stamp for, it is also getting to be burdensome.
How do I say this? I like getting e-mails. I like sending e-mails. I like getting jokes and pictures from all sorts of readers. They are often times entertaining and fun to look at. But (here’s where my beef comes into play), the one thing I hate the most about e-mails are when they have phrases like this in the subject line:
‘This is truly priceless . . .?
. . . or, ‘You gotta open this, it’s s-o-o-o true . . .?
. . . or, ‘This is the funniest e-mail I’ve ever read!?
I’ll start by saying this: STOP IT!
Stop being so-o-o-o smarmy, upbeat and — what’s the word I’m looking for — cutesy. Yeah, that’s it. Stop being so cutesy. Your e-mail is not ‘priceless,? ‘s-o-o-o true,? or the ‘funniest? thing ever. It’s either cheap, a fake or boring. And, cheap, fact-less and boring it shall remain until I, me (the guy opening said e-mail) deems it otherwise.
To me, it is my opinion that counts. Not yours. Don’t take it too hard, though. I don’t like movie reviewers? opinions either. I’ve always had a problem with folks telling me what to think about anything. By use of the time honored technique of trial and error, I like to come to my own conclusions. So, don’t tell me your mass-forwarded e-mail is priceless, cute or funny. Just type in something like: ‘Joke inside,? or ‘Photos attached.? You know, be specific about what the communique is about, and let me be the judge of its value (because I will, anyway).
* * *
And, another thing . . . don’t bother sending me chain e-mails, you know the ones I am talking about. The ones that say something like this: ‘Send this to six people in six minutes and you will get six million dollars in return. If you don’t and delete this, you will die. Don’t kill this chain letter!?
Ummm . . . based on the number of chain letters I have stopped, deleted and killed, I should now be in some desperate level of Dante’s hell. But, I am not. I’m still kicking, heh!
* * *
Oh, and while I’m on a roll . . . stop with the cute abbreviations slash acronyms. I am clearly either not hip enough nor bright enough (or both) to understand things like lol, wtf and btw. I mean I can fill in the blanks as to what these letters could stand for, unfortunately my mind goes to the gutter and most of the time the meanings I come up with are not fit for a family publication.
Remember: I am dense, thick-skulled, puddin? headed (pick your insult), so spell it out. If lol means ‘lots of luck? just say so. Please, don’t make me go to the gutters again.
* * *
On an up note . . . I do know what 🙂 means. (It’s a smiley face, right? And, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?)
* * *
Before I quit griping, grousing, growling and grumbling 🙁 let me give everybody who communicates with the written word a bit of advice. By the way, this is nothing new. Any printer since Guttenburg who’s worth their salt knows not to use all capital letters. Why?
BECAUSE IT IS REALLY, REALLY, REALY REALLY HARD TO READ. If you must express yourself loudly in type, one or two words can be all caps, but the rest should be in lower case and then use an exclamation point!
Well, I have finished my yammering and just like Tony the Tiger, I feel g-r-e-a-t!
Send e-mails (without the words priceless, etc) to His Crankiness: dontrushmedon@charter.net