By Shelby Stewart-Soldan
ssoldan@mihomepaper.com
With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, love is in the air for many, and that includes self-love and self-care.
At Oakwood Elementary, many of their Positive Behavior Intervention System programs are focusing on boosting self-esteem and good behavior in kids, including HAWK awards once a month, the Positivity Project, and much more.
“The goal for us has been to build relationships and focus on positive prevention strategies,” said Oakwood principal Colleen Ransford.
One of the initiatives they started at Oakwood is Wellness Wednesday. Staff are encouraged to dress in comfortable gear and involve their students in a wellness activity.
“It puts an extra pep in our step,” said Ransford. “And staff are encouraged to do Wellness Wednesday with students.”
Staff members have included students in activities such as a yoga video, a nature walk outside, a gallery walk, or more.
“The behavior has been profound,” said Ransford. “Kids are coming in smiling, its positive, and they want to go to school.”
When it comes to self-care and self-love for kids and teens, it can establish the foundation that they will have with themselves for the rest of their lives.
“These are things that need to be taught and modeled and made a priority as early as possible so it’s a piece of them that grows as they age,” said Trish Brown, LPC, therapist at Ellie Mental Health in Clarkston. Prior to being a therapist, Brown worked as a high school counselor for 15 years.
The meaning of self-care changes for each person, she said, and that it can mean multiple things for one person when broken down into different things, like self-awareness and self-esteem.
“Self-awareness is how we see ourselves, how we influence ourselves,” said Brown. “It’s so important to help kids grow their identity. So that can look like having conversations about who they are, who they think they want to be, experiences with others. Learning what you like, what you don’t like, we can encourage kids to try new things and see what speaks to them and sparks joy.”
While self-awareness can be how people view themselves in relation to others, self-esteem can be defined as how people view their whole self, physically and emotionally. And because kids learn from the adults in their lives, it is also important for parents to teach and model positive self-esteem.
“Pay attention to how we talk about ourselves and others,” she said. “One really important thing is to allow mistakes and to teach forgiveness. Teens are going to screw up a lot, their brains are wired to. They’re all growth opportunities and learning moments. Self-forgiveness is so important, learning to forgive yourself when you make mistakes has such a profound impact on the teenage brain. Normalize mistakes.”
While self-love is very important, self-care is equally important. But self-care can look different for everyone. For adults, it can look like reading a book, taking a bath, ordering take out instead of cooking, or simply taking ten minutes to take a walk.
For children, it can change with age.
“With kids under ten, self-care primarily starts with instituting physical self-care,” said Brown. “Taking good care of your body, explaining why we do this, why we have healthy habits, ways to care for their physical body.”
At that age, Brown said it’s also important to take note if they’re struggling with taking care of themselves in an age-appropriate way.
“With kids that age, you’re going to notice changes, you’ll see a shift in mood,” she said. “Your parent bell dings. The language that kids use, the way they react, if they’re disregulated for days on end.”
And while kids may be under stress, it can worsen as they get older and their schedules get busier.
“I think that teens with packed schedules are hopefully either learning as they go or are also given time management tools,” said Brown. “The message at home should be that taking care of yourself should be on the to-do list. I always recommend taking proactive mental health days. Pick a day, that day should be sacred. With teens and their activities, make sure they have downtime, relaxation and rest. Build everything else around it, since it’s a priority.”
Brown also said that caretakers can influence what become core beliefs of children as they age, and that practicing unconditional positive regard can help.
“Teens specifically are spoken down to,” she said. “Whenever we can be this support system, positive, ‘I love you because you exist’ type, it makes home safe.”
And when parents are unsure, they can always reach out for help to local organizations, teachers, counselors or other mental health professionals.
“There’s no parenting manual, so it’s okay to seek resources,” she said. “See out the village if you don’t have one, or use the village if you have one. I think as adult, we quickly forget what it’s like to be a teenager. We were teenagers too, and these teens are saying and feeling a lot of same things we did. We can keep our inner child or teen in mind when we’re parenting.”
Find more resources and information on mental health and wellness from Brandon Groveland Youth Assistance the first Saturday of each month in The Citizen newspaper.