Curtis Todd had a game plan to support a family when he married his wife Brigitte 25 years ago? he would work for Chrysler for 30 years and then retire.
He fell about 11 years short of that goal when he was laid off in March 2001. Now he, Brigitte and their three daughters, Danielle, 17, Erika, 13, and Faith, 7, are living a family life he never imagined? apart. Curtis, 48, lives and works in South Carolina, while Brigitte, 46, and the kids stay in Groveland Township in the home they took off the market when it didn’t sell.
They aren’t alone. A sinking economy has driven many breadwinners to other states seeking work to support the families they must leave behind, often because of homes that won’t sell in a devastated real estate market.
‘Talking to my wife over a pixelated screen is not what I imagined when we married,? says Curtis on a recent afternoon via Skype, a computer software program that allows him to speak by telephone over the internet as a camera on his end shows his family his image and he sees and hears his family the same way. ‘No one likes it.?
Curtis, a project management professional, found a few contract positions in Michigan following his lay-off. But in March 2007, unable to find another job after the last contract ended three months before, he took a position in West Virginia.
‘You’ve got to pay the mortgage and bills,? Brigitte notes, and Curtis adds, ‘If you limit yourself to Michigan, it’s a short list (of available jobs). Other markets have more choices.?
Curtis spent six months in West Virginia as a contractor, then moved on to a new contract position in South Carolina last December? without his family, as their home languished in a stalled real estate market. Now, they communicate over the internet and see each other in person about one weekend a month, usually when Curtis flies back to Michigan.
The situation is difficult for all involved. Brigitte struggles to manage the household on her own, without her husband to assist when something breaks down or to help make decisions. She and the kids miss ‘fire night? when the family sits around their fire and plays games.
For Curtis, the hardest part is the loneliness.
‘At the end of the day, I go home to a stone dead quiet apartment,? he says. ‘In a normal house, the kids are singing and dancing, you have your normal, delightful noise. There are those moments you want to say, ‘Hey, what do you think about this?? or ‘How about a hug?? or whatever else, but you can’t do it.?
Rich Hardin knows what that’s like? for the past several months, he has worked as a retail job superintendent in Chicago, returning to a hotel room at night to sit alone on a bed and decompress.
‘The hardest part is being away from home and every comfort you’re used to? your own bed, home cooking,? said Hardin, 42. ‘There are no smiles to bring up your spirits. At times, it’s just tough.?
There are plenty of smiles when he comes home to Brandon Township on the weekends, where his wife, Janet, 38, and their two children, Makenna, 9, and Austin, 7, are waiting.
The Hardins rent their home, so unlike the Todds, the real estate market is not holding them here. They owned a home in Mt. Pleasant, but were foreclosed on after Rich lost his job as a Home Depot manager four years ago. They moved in with Rich’s parents in Brandon and stayed for a time before renting their current house. When Rich couldn’t find a job, he decided to start his own construction business, but the work wasn’t steady. He, like Curtis Todd, found contract work his best option. Since March, Rich has worked in Florida, North Carolina, Ohio, New York, and now Illinois, all with Toltest, a construction company.
He recently finished the Illinois job and now will wait until January to get a new assignment. While in Illinois, he has been able to drive home on the weekends. In between, they keep in touch like the Todds do, by using a camera on the computer and talking over the internet.
‘It’s hard when you have activities and things going on that he can’t be at,? says Janet, who recently called Rich on the phone during Makenna’s Glee Club concert so he could hear. ‘The worst part is nighttime, when they’re lying in bed and you say, ‘Good night,? and they say, ‘I miss Daddy.??
State demographer Ken Darga used data from the Census Bureau’s ‘American Community Survey? and calculated that from 2004 to 2007, roughly 7,000 married people per year moved to other states from Michigan to live in households separate from their spouses, but were not legally separated. In addition to people seeking work in other states, this includes people serving in the military, people in college, people living separately for personal reasons, and people whose spouses are in prisons, nursing homes, or other group quarters. Because the segment of the population is considered small, Darga said is is not possible to draw any firm conclusions.
Oakland University Sociology Professor Terri Orbuch suspects, however, that such arrangements are becoming much more common because of the economy and job loss.
While she believes there are going to be detrimental effects on the family, she notes that unlike in the past, it is easier for families to stay in contact with the person who is out-of-state using current technology like the web cams, texting, and cell phones, thus softening the damage.
Still, Orbuch said, separation is always difficult for families and relationships.
‘Touch between intimate partners and spouses is very important to alleviate stress. People enjoy spending time with each other, doing leisure activities, laughing together. But families can be resilient, relationships can be resilient.?
Detrimental effects of a separation tend to be less in strong and happy families. Orbuch recommends families focus on their time together when they reunite, rather than letting work permeate even that time and when they are separated, the parent that is out-of-state should make an extra effort to express to the kids that just because they are not physically there, they can still be there psychologically.
‘You may not look like the family next door, or the family on TV sitcoms, but different is OK,? Orbuch said. ‘I think we’re changing the way we see the nuclear 9-to-5, two-parent family. I have to be hopeful as well, that Michigan’s economy will get back on track and this is only temporary… The economy will change, homes will sell, jobs will return, and dads will come home or their families will move to them. In the end, society will see we can expand our notions of family and that will be OK.?
Curtis Todd hopes for a long-term situation in Michigan. His perfect scenario would be to land a job somewhere near Lansing, where daughter Danielle plans to attend Michigan State University.
‘You can always hope, but the bank doesn’t care about hope,? he said. ‘It’s hard to cash it. I don’t see large corporations giving employees a 30-year career anymore.?
Meanwhile, Janet Hardin says her family is in the best financial shape they’ve ever been in. She hopes the economy bounces back so she can continue to feel that way.
‘Our plan was to just get him some kind of work,? she said. ‘Right now we’re in limbo, we don’t really know where we go from here.?