My wife went out of town for a few days last week, leaving me home with my two teenage daughters. I promised her we would get along just fine. The girls did, too.
People who know me know I love my girls dearly. That said, there are some things that I have not been able to figure out, even after all these years being outnumbered in my house.
Maybe there are other dads out there that can help me? Here’s my list of mysteries in the St. Henry household that I am still trying to solve:
I don’t get why we need more than one hair dryer, curling iron and hair straightener in the house? Not only are there a lot of them, but they can be found in multiple bathrooms. What happened to the day of simply washing and brushing your hair like me?
I don’t get why we need to fight over clothes? They both wear the same sizes now and neither is lacking in wardrobe choices. If someone is wearing the other’s shirt, rather than World War III breaking out, how about just finding something else, since you have every color in your closets?
I don’t get why we have to have so many sleep overs? What is it with these girls who want to stay up all night, eating and drinking sugar; dancing, singing and screeching; and then wondering what the big deal is when they want to slumber for eight hours the next day?
I don’t get the flip-flop thing? I have nothing against the shoes, if that is what you want to call them, but why must each girl have a pair of every color? How about just black, like mine? And why are there always 10-15 pairs lying in the laundry room or foyer from April through September?
I don’t get why we need multiple bottles of shampoo and conditioner? Can we finish one bottle before moving to the next? If you don’t like one brand, throw it out, rather than simply store it in the bathroom closet with 20 others? Just use my 2-in-1 Pert! For that matter, how many brushes do we need lying around? Lots I guess, for they are always disappearing.
I don’t get multiple pierces? Earrings are nice. Doubles are cool. But what is up with piercing your cartilage? It’s gotta hurt. That belly button thing is crazy, too. If either of my girls come home with anything pierced other than her ears (before 18), she will need a new place to live.
I don’t get why we have so many pony tail holders and bobby pins lying around? Wear ’em and reuse them. Do not leave them lying around. They seem to multiply like rabbits.
I don’t get what makes Ulta cosmetics better than others? That is the one store that I simply cannot handle, but I get dragged in there sometimes. The makeup looks the same there as it does at Target or other stores, just a heck of a lot more expensive.
I don’t get why it is so hard to clean your rooms? Maybe it is because you do not know where to start, given you cannot see the floor. No wonder you can’t find things? I am afraid to walk in sometimes, for I am afraid I may step on something valuable and break it.
I don’t get why girls need to use more than one bath towel? I have one towel and it dries my big body and hair every day. It takes at least a week for it to start to smell. Why do girls use 2-3 towels with every shower, considering they are a lot smaller than me? It’s a hair thing, they say.
I don’t get their television shows? I tried to watch the Kartrashions, Jersey Snore, Top Ugly Models and those Dancing programs. Also the Bachelor freak shows. Let’s change the channel and watch a ball game, war documentary or maybe a good guy flick. (Why does dad get sent to the basement to watch television, anyways?)
I don’t get why my girls don’t want me talking to their boyfriends? You know, when you are surrounded by women every day, a little guy-talk goes a long wayto keeping your sanity, even if only for a few minutes. My girls, however, say I’m intimidating to their guy friends. Mission accomplished.
I grew up with three younger sisters and my dad tells me he dealt with the same issues back then. I guess it is a girl thing to drive their fathers nuts at times. For what it is worth, I learned long ago to keep the toilet seat down and still do today.
Alas, I guess it just comes with the territory of living with two very special young ladies.