You know, I was moving along swimmingly. And, while not ahead of the curve, I was at least riding the wave’s crest in understanding. I was getting it! It of course being the whole sexual identity thing.

Just like the old Virginia Slim’s ad campaign touted, I’ve come a long way, baby! Then, what a month or two ago, I saw a headline about something that had to do with LGBT and Q.
I got the LGBT, but what the hell was that “Q” doing with those other letters?
My first thought went to one of the banned words from my lily-white, honky upbringing on the mean, dirt streets of Clarkston. “Q” could only mean one thing, I had not heard the word in such a long time that it even felt weird to think it out loud in between my ears.
Of course, back when I used that “Q” word it had nothing to do with sexuality, it was just the person who was next on the list to get smashed in a tangle legs and arms and end up on the bottom of a big pile of kids on the playground.
I doubt any of us knew “Queer” had to do with sexuality — not that any of us first, second and third graders where thinking of sexuality or gender identity at that time anyway. All we knew was girls had one type of plumbing and boys had another.
But no, when I read the news article on “Q” it did not stand for what I first thought. It stood for “Questioning.” But, double no. Wait. Then I checked the internet for the meaning of “Q” and it can be for Queer or Questioning.
They are not making things easy for heterosexual middle-aged, white dudes to understand. Stop adding letters, for goodness sakes! Before, too long, all the letters in the alphabet are going to be included and I will forever be in some sort of state of confusion. (I know, I know . . . it’s my normal state of existence.)
Of course, I probably said the same thing about 20 years ago when I first heard the term “Transgender.” Being a block head, at first that term didn’t make sense. You were either a male or female; gay or straight — or if you were playing all sides of the game, bisexual. As the Earth spun, I did figure it out.

L = lesbian (gals)
G = gay (guys)
B = bisexual (both guys and gals)
T = transgender  (maybe gay, maybe bi, maybe a lesbian but whatever you are you’re wearing the wrong meat suit.)

And, it’s cool. I get it, live and let live. Love and let love . . .
. . . but “Q” for Questioning?
Why do we need to further segment ourselves into smaller and smaller categories when the whole idea is to be equal, the same?
Why do we humans want to be separated from one another by more and different labels? I don’t get it, obviously (or “obvi” as the millennials say).
I guess the way I think of it, the further apart we are from each other, the more divided we are. The more divided we are, the easier to misunderstand and yes, even hate one another.
It’s a different world today than it was even 15 years ago when it comes to not renting, selling or serving a person in one of the self-labelled minorities. Just try not servicing and see what happens. Not only will you get your butt sued off, the Alphabet Brigade will social media your tush off the face of the earth. And, it won’t be anything about justice. It will be about vengeance; about crush, kill and destroy the offender’s business, reputation, ability to provide for his or her family and their life.
But, if we’re gonna’ add letters to the LGBTQ acronym, I say let’s really add some letters, baby!

LGBTQ & R, because everybody knows Redheaded gingers get the raw end of many deals.
LGBTQR & S, because we all know those Saved people can’t be having as much fun as the rest of the LGBTQR crowd.
LGBTQRS & U, because the Universally Disliked, are — well — they ain’t loved either, and we all need to feel loved and accepted.
LGBTQRSU & P, because we all know Pigeon-Toed people are made fun of way too often.
LGBTQRSUP & F, because we all know Females have been blamed for all the world’s ills since Eve.
LGBTQRSUPF & E for Easily Distracted folk. It’s hard for them to find love, because they could be looking into a would be suitor’s eyes and . . . “look over there, there’s a bumble bee.” Moment spoiled.
We should probably throw into the mix an “A” and an “D” for the Asexuals and Damaged folk. So, let’s see, where are we at?

LGBTQRSUPFEAD

That’s a mouthful of letters for a simpleton like me to remember. However, if we can rearrange the letters without offending anyone (and it is awfully hard not to offend any one these days, we are so thin-skinned, but I digress . . .) we can come up with

EARPLUGS-bfdq.

I think we can make it a lot easier on every body if we just have one letter, how about this:
“H” (not for hetero) . . . for HUMAN.
I know: too simple; not divisive enough. Just label me, “C” for confused (or cute and cuddly, your call).
Send your comments to the Confused One via e-mail, Don@ShermanPublications.org