We’ve heard it from our mothers, grandmothers and even the pulpit – Never Go Grocery Shopping On An Empty Stomach!
But, did we learn? No! That ‘no? includes everybody who ever entered a grocery store.
If we didn’t learn from those mentioned above, we should have gotten the message when groceries started installing self-opening doors. That feature wasn’t added just for cart-pushing ease.
They are welcoming symbols meant to entice those with growling stomachs and weak reasoners. The automatic opening exit doors were added only because the door sellers had a 2 for 1 deal going.
These stores don’t want you to leave until all your credit cards, loan limits and friends? kindnesses are overdrawn.
For instance, pushing my cart by Entenmann’s baked goods kiosk I saw their raspberry Danish twist. Love raspberries. I tried to reason — yes, I have raspberry cookin’s at home, but they are nearly gone, and this addiction, while cholesterol ridden, is otherwise harmless. Besides, I earned rewards.
A little farther my taste buds got excited when my eyes alerted them to the sauerkraut display. The buds further yearned for the natural accompaniment, Polish sausage.
The reasonless mind convinced me to buy two of each so I’ll never be without, never mind that I haven’t sought this combination in over five years.
‘Bacon is back to two pounds for $5. Wow! Get four pounds. That’ll be just the right amount to go with my u-pick Middleton tomatoes,? I said to myself, my mind clouded by me delighted senses.
‘That’s only a 2-week supply, and besides isn’t that why I take Lipitor? And, don’t tomatoes offset bacon’s downside?
‘And, what do we have here? Haven’t had fried bologna in a long time. Ah, two rings. I think it’s good frozen.
‘Chicken wings. Love fried chicken wings. That’s a big bag, yeah, but obviously they’re good frozen ’cause they are frozen already.?
At the sight of pork chops the buds emitted juices that only breaded pork chops could quell. I can learn to cook them like Hazel did. Surely, I can eat six at one sitting. Buy ’em!
By now I’m completely reasonless. Toilet paper, orange juice, tissues, lettuce, Caesar salad mix, Miracle Whip, Downey, Tide, chips, twice baked potatoes, softener salt, ice cream, dishcloths, 2,000 Flushes and a book on how to control your impulses fill my cart.
I went in for a gallon of milk.
* * *
I learned recently daughter Luan has a similar reasoning weakness. We are golf partners Friday evenings. And, we signed up to play in a 2-person scramble on a following Sunday.
That Friday Luan told me, ‘Dad, I’m going to do nothing but practice putting from now until Sunday.?
I called her before leaving the house that Sunday morning and asked about her practicing. She said, ‘I decided my putting is off because I have a dominant right eye. I’m going to wear my glasses, and it’ll be fine.?
Glasses, smasses. With practice we might have finished better than tenth in the 12-team event.
She’ll get her glasses changed before she practices putting.