“By C.J. Carnacchio
Leader Editor
Fathers play important roles in children’s lives.
That’s the message Hank Szlenkier, caseworker for Oxford-Addison Youth Assistance (OAYA), wants to impart to local fathers, divorced fathers, step-fathers, grandfathers and any man who’s a “significant role model in a child’s life.”
“Kids need and want their fathers to be involved with them,” Szlenkier said, noting research shows a child with a “fair to poor” relationship with his or her father is 75 to 76 percent more likely to use drugs.”
To help area fathers realize, understand and appreciate their importance as parents, OAYA is conducting a “Fathers Only Night” on Tuesday, Dec. 10 from 7 to 8:30 p.m. in the Oxford Middle School KIVA.
Participants in the free event will receive a broasted chicken dinner (provided by Suzy’s Sweets in Lakeville), hundreds of dollars in free door prizes and the opportunity to listen to and speak with health psychologist, speaker and writer Ted Braude.
Szlenkier said Braude specializes in family relationships, particularly men’s role in them.
“(Braude is) going to be validating fatherhood and convincing them how important they are,” he said. “He’ll answer questions about parenting skills and how fathers can become involved with their kids.”
According to Szlenkier, society has “alienated” and “disconnected” fathers from their natural roles in the raising of children.
A “division of labor” has been created whereby fathers are responsible for “earning money, paying the bills and cutting the grass,” but “don’t do a whole lot” when it comes to being involved in their children’s lives, he said.
“Men are primarily viewed as bread-winners,” Szlenkier said.
Szlenkier said society often does not give men any “opportunities” to have “meaningful” involvement in their kids’ lives.
“You don’t see many men in school doing lunch duty or volunteering in the parent teacher organizations,” he said. “Those areas are female-dominated.”
Although work schedules and time constraints certainly prevent many men from participating in these activities, men who have ventured into these areas are often “not welcome or accepted” because the idea is so “foreign,” Szlenkier said.
Szlenkier is hoping the Fathers Only Night will spawn a “fathers support group” to help “build bridges” between men so they “don’t feel all alone.”
The group would be a place where fathers can experience “mutual support” and have an “open dialogue” to talk about the things they “can’t or won’t” discuss with their “hunting buddies” and “bowling buddies.”
A support group would help fathers “realize their importance” and teach them how to be “caring, nurtuing parents.”
Szlenkier said it’s important for fathers to act now before it’s too late to build relationships with their children.He said Braude’s spoken with many men in the “twilight of their years” who are now retired and want to become involved in their children’s lives.
Unfortunately, their kids are grown and “don’t feel a bond or connection” so they “don’t care.”
“The men cry,” Szlenkier said. “They have the time now. They want a relationship, but it ain’t there.”
To reserve a spot at the OAYA’s Fathers Only Night call 628-6710 by Friday, Dec. 6.