I resolve to procrastinate more

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions because: 1. I know I won’t remember them; and 2) Even if I did remember them, I know I wouldn’t keep them.
But if I did make a New Year’s resolution it would be: I resolve to procrastinate more, starting tomorrow.
“The 2003 Old Farmer’s Almanac” lists 64 holidays and observances, plus 14 religious observation days. A more confirmed cynic than I would say, “So that’s where our elected officials get their days-closed-but-with-pay calendar.”
Is there any department in a grocery store that has grown faster than the frozen food section? The generation X, Y and Z’ers may never know how good home cooked food can be if they get the frozen-food-eating habit.
Oh, I’ve tried some Banquet and Stouffer’s. They don’t dare add various seasonings lest they are accused of causing rashes, burning and burping, as seen through the eyes of a lawyer.
Frozen foods also promote laziness.
Ah . . . the baking, frying, cooking, house filling odors of roast beef, baking cookies, frying breaded pork chops and the smell of a pan of spaghetti sauce.
Compare that picture with the anticipation you have for the microwave heating of an all-inclusive plate of doof . . . that’s food spelled backward, which is the way future generations should look for fine food smells and tastes.
* * *
Received this “Letter of resignation,” author unknown, late last year:
“I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8-year-old again.
“I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four-star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.
“I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day. I want to return to a time when life was simple, when all you knew were colors, multiplication tables and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you cause you didn’t know what you didn’t know and didn’t care.
“All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset. I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.
“I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want live simply again.
“I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness and loss of loved ones.
“I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind and make angels in the snow.
“So here’s my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bill and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.
“And, if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me, cuz . . .
“Tag! You’re it!”