Here in the home of the brave and land of the free we, each of us who cares, is a slave to ‘elections.? It is a fact. The very thing that keeps us free in this democratic, representative republic — elections — is holding us down.
Elections, elections, elections.
It is not that we have to vote, we don’t. The problem is we have too many elections. We have elections on Tuesdays, elections on Mondays, elections in November, June, August, February and special elections sprinkled about. Federal elections, state elections, county elections, city elections, township elections, village elections, school elections, intermediate school elections — before I pass out from lack of oxygen, I need to stop and catch my breath.
‘General Custer, sir, there are too many — there’s no escape. We’re surrounded!?
‘Holy vote early and vote often, Batman. What evil has befallen us??
‘Rats. The school board election was yesterday.?
Local school elections were a couple of Mondays ago, and as could have been predicted, turnout was low — with somewhere well below 50 percent of registered voters making it to the polls. (Yes, I voted).
‘Damn those apathetic people. Why don’t they vote. They sure as heck complain, but they never vote!? I have oft heard after any election in recent history.
But . .
I am not sure the small voter numbers can be blamed solely on apathy. I think many voters may well be suffering from SEB (Severe Election Burnout, for those not in the know).
By the way, why are school elections different than regular elections, anyway?
I am fast coming to the conclusion that we here in the Great Lakes State should only have to worry about two elections a year. Period. One would be better, and three elections a year is too many. I am here to say we should vote only on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November (as was drummed into our heads in school) and then on the first Tuesday after the first Monday six months after (or before, depending on whether you’re a ‘the glass is half empty? or a ‘the glass is half full? person).
Some may cry foul.
‘It can’t be done! We would lose our autonomy/control/fill in the blank with your word of choice, to have our own election whenever we see fit.?
To which I say, ‘So what, you big boo-woo babies. The fact remains, two elections a year would make life a lot easier.?
Easier is better.
Well, it would be easier on the folks who take the time to vote. It might make life a wee bit harder for the folks who count the votes . . . but, hey, that’s why they get paid the big bucks.
Seriously though, with only two elections a year the electorate would have time to bone up on all the issues at hand before sauntering into the voting booth and voting straight ticket. We would actually know when it’s time to vote.
Two elections a year versus any more would cost taxpayers less, thus saving taxpayers money, thus allowing us to hold onto a few more of our own pennies (a novel idea for some government types, I know).
By slashing the amount of elections in any given year, we would make all elections ‘special.? Being ‘special? is a good thing — at least that’s what my parents told me.
Bunching all elections together would also force local, county, state officials to communicate better. They would have to plan together, be together. Thinking about it I am feeling all warm and fuzzy. I’m hearing a great chorus of elected officials singing songs like, ‘Michael Row Your Boat Ashore,? and ‘Kumbaya.?
Can’t you feel the love? Can I get an amen, brother!?
We can do this folks. We can. I think.
Maybe I should talk to somebody in Lansing before I get too far out on this limb. I’ll e-mail State Representative Ruth Johnson and see what she says. Comments for he who would make things his way can be e-mailed to: dontrushmedon@aol.com