Once upon a time there were three little pigs – Ollie Oxford, Adele Addison and Orville Orion. Each of the pigs lived in their own respective home. After numerous confrontations with the Big Bad Wolf, all had settled into a comfortable life of retirement spending their days traveling, visiting a menagerie of friends and exercising at the Senior Pig Center in their own town.
One day while at lunch together, Ollie Oxford began discussing a conversation he had with Ronald Rochester, a fellow pig, about his own Senior Pig Center. ‘Ronald belongs to a center that provides aerobics, swimming, dining, meeting rooms, pig day care and a gym. Shouldn’t we have something similar in our community??
‘Who pays for all this?? asked Adele Addison.
‘Who cares where the money comes from?? responded Ollie Oxford obviously feeling offended that the question was even raised.
‘Don’t we already have our own facilities here in town? And frankly I’m pleased with my arrangement and don’t want to burden my friends to finance another facility when us pigs will be the only ones using it? said Orville Orion.
‘Look, I have lived here a long time and supported The Bovine Middle School, The Raccoon Library and the Prairie Dog Hospital and now it’s time for them to build something just for me,? said Ollie Oxford, becoming more intense now that Orville Orion was insinuating that he was acting like a hog.
Adele Addison, in an attempt to quell what was developing into a dogfight asked Ollie Oxford to describe what he saw as a plan.
‘OK, Adele Addison, here’s what I have in mind. First of all let’s put together a presentation detailing our wants, needs and expectations as to how we should be pampered, treated and coddled in a common facility that would serve all of our communities. Then we’ll discuss it with our Boards and persuade them to place it on the upcoming ballot. They can’t refuse us because we are old and frankly they will need our votes down the road when they run for office.?
‘Then we’ll enlist some of our friends such as Alice in Wonderland, Little Miss Muffet and Jack from the Beanstalk to accompany us to the presentations. With their credibility, this should be a pig walk, I mean a cake walk!?
‘But aren’t you afraid some will wonder where it will be located, how it will be financed, what happens if there are overruns and who will manage the center?? asked Adele Addison, now feeling that this idea was beginning to resemble a train wreck that her friend Tootles had once related to her. ‘And aren’t there facilities in place right now that we can use? Certainly that new place in Orville Orion’s community would meet our needs. And shame on you Ollie Oxford, you have a similar facility in your own community. And frankly here in my town we are having difficulty financing our police department?, stated Adele Addison with much conviction. ‘So I think we have to get our priorities in order?.
Ollie Oxford was beginning to huff and puff in a similar fashion to a once angry wolf that had attempted to destroy his home. ‘I have a location in mind. Naturally, it won’t be convenient to everyone and it does have some impediments such as lots of stinger bees on the property but we will tell people that the bees won’t harm them. And we’ll use the lowest tax assessment rate to demonstrate to our friends that it will cost them only pennies a day. Those with higher assessments may not bother to figure out their cost and thus we will be able to camouflage the real cost to them.?
‘Ollie, you don’t make any sense at all,’said Orville Orion. ‘There are three of us here. How will you divide up the expenses for this Pig Taj Mahal??
‘Well, of course since you Orville Orion have more pigs in your town than I and Adele Addison have, you should pay for most of it,? said Ollie Oxford.
‘Not on your life,? responded Orville Orion emphatically. ‘Now let me get this straight. You want all the pigs in the three communities to have one Pig Center with an assortment of conveniences – you don’t want to disclose where it will be except to say that it is infested with bees – you want all my pig friends to pay for most of it even though it is miles from our pigstyes – you have no idea how to operate a facility of this size – the cost is five times the cost per square foot of similar facilities – you don’t know who will be responsible for cost overruns – and when you plan to expand in the second phase you want to ask for private donations. In my estimation, you’ve been talking to Alice in Wonderland too long. You really should be talking to Sponge Bob Square Pants. He at least has a modicum of common sense!?
‘I’m with you Orville Orion,? stated Adele Addison. ‘Sure, we’re pigs but we don’t have to be piggish. I can’t imagine that this will pass at the ballot. I’m used to lots of mud but a mud landslide at the ballot box would be injurious to all and I don’t want to put my friends through that.?
‘Fine,? said Ollie Oxford. ‘Maybe your friend Tootles is right after all. This does sound like a train wreck.?
With that the three little pigs went to the market, which was their daily custom. Along the way Ollie Oxford started discussing his next project. ‘How about free pedicures for all us pigs!?
Moral of the story: Pigs will be pigs but they don’t have to act like hogs when it comes to asking for financing and providing facilities that will be for their sole use!