Fear is an internal warning cry that signals danger is nearby and that we need to do something. It’s a primitive reaction centered in the limbic system that can detect danger within a tenth of a second. That’s before conscious decision-making has a chance to kick in. It’s our flight or fight reaction.
Fear can be a heathy response because it warns us of danger and allows us to do something about it. However, there are many times when fear becomes unhealthy. It becomes paralyzing instead of motivating, it becomes habitual and it can become reactive.
As we look around, there seems to be so much to fear. We are constantly being exposed to information that supports the idea that there is good reason to live our lives in fear. We are told we need to protect ourselves from some kind of danger, some external force that can cause us harm. In this process we live in a state of anxiety and worry. What is it that we are feeling anxious or worried about? It’s usually about something that could happen. In this state of anxiety and worry, most of the time we end up feeling helpless and powerless which only intensifies our fear.
How do we learn to control our fear so that it’s not running our lives? The first thing to realize is that fear can be looked at from a different perspective. If you take the word fear and break it down, you have False Evidence Appearing Real.
It’s like the child who is convinced there is a monster in the closet. Then when the light is turned on, they can see that it is actually the clothes hanging in the closet. There never was a monster. Yet, to them, it sure appears that there was. How many monsters in the closet do you have in your life?
You can begin to shine a light on these by confronting the thoughts that support the fear.
First, assess the intensity of your fear. Ask yourself, on a scale of zero to 10, how strong is this feeling of fear? Then think about what you can do to lower that by a number or two. Most of the time we aren’t able to just totally eliminate the fear, however we can lessen the intensity. One of the steps to take to lessen the intensity is to begin to identify the kinds of thoughts you are having. Are you catastrophizing about what could happen? Are you thinking of yourself in such a way that convinces you that you couldn’t deal with it?
Second, challenge the thoughts supporting the fear. How realistic are they? What is the actual evidence that supports them? If that actually happened what would you do? Then what would you do next? And next?
Third, make a plan. Look at what is in your control, what choices you have and put your focus and energy on that. Identify what is not in your control so you can remind yourself that is not where you want your focus and thoughts to be.
Living life is going to bring challenges and difficulties and yet we still have a choice about whether we deal with those from a place of fear that results in feeling helpless and powerless or from a place of feeling empowered by controlling our fear.