It could happen to anyone.
That was the message from Mindie Wolvin, who stood before a crowd of about 200 to speak publicly for the first time about the life’and death’of her son Jake.
A slideshow played on two large screens above.
‘When your son or your daughter is this age and they look this cute,? Wolvin said, ‘you cannot possibly imagine that, at the age of ten, they’re going to say yes to marijuana.?
The photos continued, showing the smiling, tow-headed boy as he grew.
Then, for just a moment, the strength she’d gathered to stand before that crowd seemed to wane.
‘You can’t imagine, when he’s 15 years, 10 months, that he won’t make it to 16,? she said in a voice cracked by emotion. ‘Because he chose drugs and alcohol as a way to deal with his problems.?
Jake was a freshman at Lake Orion High School when, on March 7, 2007, he died amidst a struggle with substance abuse.
The crowd, assembled at the North Oakland Community Coalition-sponsored event Jan. 28 to hear about the reality of today’s youth from 52-3 District Court Judge Lisa Asadoorian and others, was silent as Wolvin talked about her son’s happy childhood and the blanket of grief that ultimately fell over the home she and her husband shared with Jake.
‘You can’t imagine it,? she said. ‘You were so close when he was 8, 9, 10, and he came to you to tell you everything.?
But she reminded parents of what many had already begun to experience’kids pull away as they get older. They don’t talk to mom and dad as much; some stop communicating at home all together.
‘You think if you give them the childhood you’re supposed to give them, that they are automatically going to grow up and make the right decisions,? she said. ‘You’ve talked to them about drugs and alcohol already, right? You automatically think if ‘I give them love and care and concern and food and clothing and a good life experience, they are going to make all the right decisions.??
But Wolvin found out the hard way and now, three years after Jake died, a tiny sprout of something positive has begun to grow from her grief.
And she’s hoping she’ll be able to take that sprout and use it to help other parents understand.
‘They’re not always going to make the right decisions,? she said. ‘You’ve got to find a way to reconnect with them, you’ve got to find away to keep the lines of communication open.?
And it starts, she said later, with a positive example from the adults around them.
When adults turn to alcohol or casual drugs our of frustration with work or family, and convey that message to kids, she said, it can project an unhealthy attitude. . ‘That scares me,? she said. ‘I… have experienced pain so deep after losing Jake that I can get the concept of reaching for something to ease the pain to take the edges off of’living.?
‘Personally, I have never really been that person who needs to have a drink …the idea is more appealing to me than actually doing it, but I have actually said it at work and there are young people around 19 – 21ish. I don’t want to project bad examples to them.?
Instead, she said, she’d like to see something different.
‘Don’t choose those impersonal ways of coping. Find’a way to reach out around you.? Lets find a way to deal with our feelings and emotions that is healthy and better for ourselves and the people around us. ?
‘Lets spread that to our kids. Life can be tough, lean on others to help you through. That is a better message to send.?
And, Wolvin said, she’ll begin with continued involvement with the NOCC and other community partners working to educate the community and find a better way.
Visit NorthOaklandCoalition.org for more information.