October is national bullying prevention month, a time to draw attention to an issue that has become prevalent in today’s society.
Statistics show 35 percent of kids have been threatened online, and nearly one in five have experienced bullying more than once, according to the national anti-bullying organization Stomp Out Bullying.
There are long term effects as well.
A bully is six times more likely to be incarcerated by the age of 24, reports the American Society for the Positive Care of Children.
That is why a few years ago, Crossroads developed the Speak Up Anti-Bullying Program for our female residents, local schools and community groups.
The program was made possible through a grant from the Community Foundation of Greater Rochester Women’s Fund. We knew that the schools already had programs and supports in place to address anti-bullying, bullying and bully prevention, but we wanted to do more.
We implemented the program with all of the kids on our campus and community-based programs, and also shared Speak Up with area schools so that students and teachers could have additional tools to reduce bullying behavior.
The program used the best of specially developed hands-on activities to empower youth to take action against bullying. These experiential education activities differentiated Speak Up from other anti-bullying efforts.
What we learned was astounding as we listened to the kids. They often didn’t know that the words coming out of their mouths were hurtful.
They thought they were just ‘teasing? and that there was no harm intended. Other times they knew they were excluding a peer and being hurtful, but they were afraid to act in a different way for fear of being the next one to receive the same treatment.
The majority were confused about societal norms. What is a racial slur versus the kind of thing you hear all the time in music and on television? What are you supposed to do when you try to tell your parents or an adult and later kids either they don’t take you seriously, or worse, they do? In this situation kids would know you told, making you feel more on the outside than ever.
Teaching youth how to prevent and address bullying is vital to creating and maintaining a safe and supportive environment.
Talk with your children about their experiences with bullying this month and encourage them to help put a stop to bullying by treating others with kindness and respect. Make sure they know what is acceptable behavior versus what is inappropriate behavior among their peers. Model for them how to talk and act with respect.
Let them know the norms in your family. Get to know your local school, its policies and be a part of anti-bullying efforts.
Keeping the lines of communication open will go a long way toward preventing bullying.

It’s that time of year when teen dating blossoms. School is back in full swing, homecoming has come and gone, and the holidays are approaching. Although some relationships remain intact, others fall apart. Parents can be instrumental in helping teens maneuver the ups and downs of dating relationships.
It’s inevitable that teenage relationships will end up as teenage breakups. That’s a normal part of growing up. But the fallout can be tough on some teens. It can be one of the most emotional times in a young person’s life. While some kids handle a breakup by moving on, others are absolutely devastated. Often, rumors start to spread, which leads to further embarrassment and a lack of self-confidence in the teen who was on the receiving end of the breakup.
It is natural from a developmental standpoint for teenagers to be involved in relationships. They should learn how to form relationships, but they also must learn how to work through a breakup when it occurs.
That’s an important part of being in a relationship. The teen years are a time when you learn what you are looking for in a life partner, and it is normal not to find that person at this young age.
So, how do you help your teen cope with the breakup and move on, especially when it may mean the loss of a new group of friends as well? Often, when a teen’s relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend ends, so does their friendship with the other person’s buddies. And, to make matters even more difficult, all of the teens may still see each other every day at school.
The first thing a parent can do is refrain from saying, ‘I know how you feel? or ‘When I was your age.? That’s the last thing your teenager wants to hear. To them, breaking up is the worst thing that has ever happened and no one can know how it feels. Instead, ask your teen to tell you how he or she feels. Listen to them, but don’t try to fix things. Just offer your support and reassurance that things will get better.
Make sure that your teen keeps busy and maintains as many normal activities as possible, including going to school every day. Encourage him or her to reconnect with other friends that they lost touch with when they started dating and hanging out with another group of kids. If you become concerned about your teen’s behavior after a relationship ends, talk to another parent or school professional. And, look for signs that indicate your child may benefit from talking with a professional. For example, if he or she is feeling hopeless about the future or not eating and sleeping.
There are several lessons that can be learned from this experience. First, kids will see that they shouldn’t cut off their other friends and activities at the expense of being exclusive with one person. Secondly, next time your teen may be the one breaking off a relationship, and he or she can better learn from this situation about how to end the relationship in a way that is less hurtful. And finally, kids should realize that some things happen that they cannot change, and the grownup thing to do is to accept it and move forward.
A relationship breakup doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with either teen; it’s just two young people who were dating and it simply didn’t work out.

There are so many things vying for our attention these days. Smartphones. Television. Video games. Social media. E-mails. And it is not just kids who are being distracted. Parents often find themselves preoccupied with their electronic devices too.
To be fair, adult distractions are frequently work-related. If you’re like me, you get hundreds and hundreds of e-mails at work every day. Although some of the messages fall in the category of junk mail, I still must read each one in order to make sure that I don’t miss any important communication.
A constant blast of e-mails is one reason why parents stay distracted at work and home. Recent psychological research indicates many working adults are running around in a kind of ‘semi-distraction,? which can take a toll on physical health and increase stress levels. Today’s work environment is partially to blame. Many employees can’t go home and relax after work. They are expected to stay in touch with their job via technology.
A common complaint from kids is that their parents not only work long hours, but when they do have time to watch their children participate in a sport for instance, they still are distracted and often miss pivotal plays. Children may look at their parents in the stands, only to see that they are not watching the game. Instead, they are focused on their smartphones or tablets.
So how can parents reduce the distractions and preserve very important family time? First, place limits on the time you spend working outside the office. Just like some parents place limits on the time their child spends on iPads, computers, and video games, you too can make a commitment to limit the times you read your e-mails outside of work. Resolve to not take calls or text when you’re at your child’s sports practice or when you’re having a family dinner.
On the other hand, your employer may expect you to stay in touch during your non-work hours. We’ve grown into a society that believes it is okay to text or e-mail colleagues in the evening, because it is considered less obtrusive than phone calls. Gone are the good old days when the end of the work day really was the end of the work day. Home was a place of respite and the evening was a time to rest, relax, regroup and get refreshed. Today, it is the norm to take work home, stay in touch via technology, and be on 24/7 call.
Of course, I would never suggest that anyone defy what is normal in your workplace, but maybe you can compromise a little. Check your phone and e-mail only at a set time, such as the top of the hour. Turn off the sounds that alert you each time you receive an e-mail or text. Let your kids see that you are paying attention to them.
It is important for parents to take care of their own wellbeing and protect family time. Otherwise, the constant bombardment and intrusion will have a negative impact on your health and family life. We should all learn that it is okay to sometimes say, ‘It can wait.?

Millions of people tuned in to this year’s Summer Olympics in London to witness the incredible talents of the world’s best young athletes.
Your family can keep the Olympics spirit alive throughout the year by encouraging fair competition and practicing good sportsmanship.
Numerous lessons emerged from the Olympics that can be transferred to everyday living.
The games showcased how competition can be peaceful and respectful, instead of negative and mean-spirited.
In fact, competition can be fun, whether it’s taking place at a major international event like the Olympics or in a school gym or at the local park.
Diversity is a key component of the Olympics ? bringing together people representing a variety of races, religions, and politics. Teach your children that good sportsmanship includes treating everyone with respect ? coaches, teammates, opponents and officials ? regardless of their nationalities and religions.
Not only will your children broaden their circle of friends, but they can also learn about other cultures.
The Olympics also illustrate the importance of having people in your corner.
None of the athletes got to the games on their own. They could not do it alone.
Support from coaches, family, teammates and sponsors all play a huge role in the athletes? success.
Many families make huge sacrifices to get to the Olympics, including raising money for the trip or moving to the practice center’s city.
It’s important for parents to support their children’s dreams.
After watching the Summer Olympics, it’s likely that kids all over the world became interested in taking gymnastics or learning to dive or becoming a sprinter.
The reality is that hundreds of thousands of their peers may excel at sports, but only a select group will make it to the Olympics.
However, you shouldn’t discourage your children from participating in sports ? even if they aren’t great at it in the beginning.
Their hours of training and competitive spirit can be applied to other activities.
For example, children who run track can participate in charitable marathons to raise money for a good cause.
Others can have fun playing on intramural teams. It will give children a sense of accomplishment, plus they can enjoy the fun of the sport.
We all know that winning feels great.
The top athletes in the Olympics stood proudly at the winners? podium, adorned in gold, silver or bronze.
Chances are it took a lot of self-discipline to reach that shining moment. Competition is about challenging and pushing oneself.
The real winners are those who pick themselves up and dust themselves off after failure and keep on trying.
The Olympics are a great example of what can be achieved through persistence and dedication.