My reader told me recently she likes Jottings with humor. However, I’ve learned that what is humor to some is dumb stuff to others. But I’ll keep trying.
Rodney Dangerfield – ‘When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, ‘I’m going to run away.? She said, ‘On your mark!??
You could say I need a life. I timed a swan in the lake the other day to see how long it could stay with its head under water and its rump up. Fourteen seconds. Wonder if swans dips are in Guinness? book?
Jay Leno – ‘I looked up the word politics in the dictionary, and it’s actually a combination of two words: ‘poli,? which means many, and ‘tics,? which means bloodsuckers.?
If crows were tickled by feathers, would they laugh instead of caw-caw?
– – – 0 – – –
Men might notice this, but women may not. I have yet to see a contest in a commercial on television, like for cell phones, where the man wins. Then I realized the only time man wins is when he’s silent.
As I backed my bare bottom against the cold ceramic tile in our shower this question recently crossed my mind: Do the really rich have heated ceramic tiled showers? I would.
How many times in your life do you go shopping for a belt? Seems like when I want, or think I ‘need? something, it stays on my mind until it’s accomplished. So it was in this case when I found my dressy black belt was worn.
I had to have a new one right away. Can’t go to a funeral in black pants without a dressy black belt. It took more than one day to have what I thought was adequate time to shop.
I’m a size 44, which is not too far from what I think is average for men, forgetting the ego-tripping lovers of thin. From my shopping I’ve reached two possible conclusions: Either size 44 belts are so popular stores run out, or they aren’t ordered in the first place.
Get this! I shopped Kmart, Dick’s, Meijer, American Eagle, Parisian and Jos. A. Banks without finding a size 44.
Tired of being disappointed, I bought a size 46. I can always punch another hole.
– – – 0 – – –
Something we should remember, brought to you from Detroit News editorial editor, Nolan Finley:
‘The greatest gift we can leave the generations to follow is to school them in the values and ideals that set America apart, and to instill in them not only a love of country, but also a fierce pride. They should see the word ‘America? on their birth certificate and know they’re holding the supreme winning lottery ticket.?
– – – 0 – – –
Couple ma’dog Shayna notes: I put the bowl of my unfinished Caesar salad on the floor for her. Actually, it wasn’t real Caesar salad. I didn’t have the Caesar dressing I like, so I used Italian and Ranch, adding pheasant, croutons and Parmesan cheese. It was too much for me. I think Shayna fooled herself, she begged so long she’d eat anything.
I think my girl dog has an Adam’s apple.
– – – 0 – – –
Scenario 3: Johnny punches Mark and then the two of them get into a fistfight after school.
1956 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested. Nobody expelled.
2007 – Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled – even though Johnny started it.
– – – 0 – – –
One liners: ‘Lady, this vacuum will cut your work in half.? ‘Good, I’ll take two of them.?
Hear about the ship that ran aground carrying a cargo of red paint and black paint? The whole crew was marooned.
Why is ‘brassiere? singular and ‘panties? plural?
Did you realize half the people are below average?
Two cannibals were sitting by the fire and one says, ‘Gee, I miss my mother-in-law.? And the other says, ‘Then try the potatoes.?