By Elizabeth Lowe
Staff writer
Goodrich – A second sexual revolution is building momentum, says author Jason Evert, M.A., who recently spoke to Goodrich students.
Evert, 28, held Goodrich High School students? attention with full-tilt accounts of youth who chose’or didn’t choose’abstinence.
Students like freshman Lorin Davis, expecting a ‘boring lecture? were surprised and captivated by Evert’s candor. Lorin hopes the speaker will return so her middle-school sister can hear him.
Unlike many members of their parents? sexually-permissive generation, youth increasingly feel free to choose purity, regardless of gender.
‘All of us guys have been lied to about what it means to be a man,? said Evert, surging across the auditorium stage in shirt-tails and jeans.
‘If you want to be a man, you have to get some from the ladies,? he said. ‘If you’re not gettin? some, (you’re told) there’s something wrong with you.?
With more sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs) today than ever, sexually active students face not only emotional consequences, but physical.
According to Evert’s site, there are more than 50 different STDs in existence. Some of the most common can’t be cured.
HIV is perhaps best known, but the number infected with more common STDs’which can lead to cervical, penile, or anal cancer and infertility’is much higher.
Although common, human papillomavirus (HPV) is rarely heard of, says Evert.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention site, ‘HPV is likely the most common STD among young, sexually active people and is of increasing public health importance. At any one time, an estimated 20 million people in the United States have genital HPV infections that can be transmitted to others. Every year, about 5.5 million people acquire a genital HPV infection.? (see http://www.cdc.gov/nchstp/od/news/RevBrochure1pdfhpv.htm).
The majority of those who’ve contracted an STD don’t realize they have it, or that they’re contagious. Nor are condom users getting the protection they expect (see http://www.pureloveclub.net).
Although not a direct risk for STDs, the unrealistic nature of pornographic photos’or even semi-nude magazine covers’can emasculate a male by contributing to sexual dissatisfaction in a real-life relationship, said Evert.
‘We laugh it off.? he said. ‘And when you get bored you go to the next fantasy.?
For girls wondering whether their boyfriends are serious about them, abstinence may be the ultimate demonstration of love.
After talking to student audiences around the country, some males are irate with Evert, demanding to know what inspired girlfriends to expect purity.
‘You can have sex with her again,? said Evert to one teenager. ‘All you have to do is marry her. Isn’t she worth it??
‘No,? said the boy, shrugging and walking away.
For the sake of ‘guys trying to behave?, Evert stressed girls shouldn’t send mixed messages by wearing ‘belly button shirts? or other suggestive clothing.
‘And with modesty, I’m not saying I want you to look as ugly as physically possible. Modesty has nothing to do with looking ugly,? he said, emphasizing ‘taking your womanhood and treating it with dignity.?
‘We don’t take (girls) seriously because they don’t take themselves seriously,? male students tell him.
Begging students to ‘remove the labels? that affect students? self-image, Evert says there are reasons behind behavior.
‘I’ve only met 100,000 high school girls a year, and I’ve never met a slut,? he said, explaining even girls with numerous sexual partners are looking to feel loved. ‘It is never too late to help you guys start over.?
Evert tells the story of one girl who ‘gave her boyfriend sex for the sake of feeling loved?.
When her boyfriend walked away, she thought, ‘That guy is leaving with something I should have never given him in the first place, and I can never get it back. It’s too late.?
‘The girl was a model, a kickboxer, voted the prettiest girl, got straight A’s.? To keep her needing him, her boyfriend had told her she was stupid, ugly, and fat.
The girl resolved to be pure, and when former friends gave her a hard time, she’d write letters to her future husband.
The girl’s name is Crystalina. She and Evert married in June 2003, when she gave Evert the letters she’d saved for him.
Living together outside of marriage can be a real relationship killer, says Evert.
‘People say, ‘We want to see if we’re compatible.??
‘Trust me, if she’s a girl and you’re a guy, you’re not compatible,? he said, describing guys? confusion at a plethora of smell-good products in the shower.
‘There’s no way you’re going to be compatible. That’s because girls are weird and guys are normal. You’re not going to get along, deal with it.?
Despite addressing girls in the audience about expecting purity, Evert doesn’t blame males.
‘I don’t think you guys are the problem, you’re the answer to the problem.?
Love, says Evert, is ‘doing what’s best for her.?
Waiting to have sex has given the couple’s marriage the necessary foundation of trust and exclusivity. While waiting is never easy, it puts love into practice by caring for another more than oneself.
‘The reason we abstained is I love her,? Evert said. ‘Love can wait to give, but lust can’t wait to get.?