The weatherman: love and dislike in same day
We’re gonna? have weather, whether or not.
We’re gonna? have weather predictors, whether or not. And, it is our right according to the First Amendment, the Book of James and restroom regulars to criticize and condemn said predictors.
Besides that, weather’s a conversation starter, air filler and tension reliever.
My father was an avid weather watcher, probably because he had an outside job walking railroad tracks, and I credit him for making me a daily weather report listener/reader.
I especially like getting The Old Farmer’s Almanac and checking to see if they are right 80 percent of the time, as they boast.
Frankly, I find that a little high. Like February. TOFA said for the first of that short month, ‘Ground hog peeks and freaks! Six more weeks.?
That woodchuck didn’t see her shadow, and the weather continued unseasonably warm. Then the TOFA said, ‘Where are the snows of winters past?? They got that right. It snowed.
Then from the 19th on they wrote, ‘Don’t forget your furries,? to which I rhyme, ‘the temperature went into the thirties.?
So, I call it a 50-percent call. One way The Almanac can account for its boasting is the way they make up (gerrymander, comes to mind) regions. Michigan is lumped with Syracuse, N.Y. to the east, Milwaukee to the west and Indianapolis to the south. Whatever is predicted will occur somewhere in there.
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I couldn’t get ma’dog Shayna to watch the Westminster Dog Show, though I tried to convince her mixed-breeds would be allowed next year.
There’s a book that tells you where to go on your vacation. It’s your checkbook.
Hear about the new drug, Damnitol. Take two and the world becomes bearable.
Do you have a feeling of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered ‘yes? to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila.
Tequila will make you feel more confident about yourself and your actions. It can ease you out of shyness and let you overcome obstacles.
There are side effects, however; dizziness, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of money, delusions of grandeur, headache, dehydration and desire to sing Karaoke.
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My resistance to stupid studies, such as the rise in procrastination, grows stronger with each result, which is nearly everyday.
Professors, with so little classroom time and so much time allowance for research, beard trimming (they all seem to have facial hair) and searching for that rumpled look, are especially known for research papers.
And they always, like this one on procrastination, take years, in this case 10. This study was supposed to take 5 years, but it took a Canadian industrial psychologist 10 years to find what makes people poorer, fatter and unhappier. Talk about procrastination.
Professor Piers Steel says in 1978 only about 5 percent of the Americans (why didn’t he study his own countrymen?) thought themselves chronic procrastinators. Now it’s 26 percent.
And it took him 10 years to pin the blame on our having a tv in every room, on-line video, web-surfing, cell phones, video games, iPods and Blackberries.
Throw in e-mails, the Internet (why is that capitalized?) and games and we have ‘people who are less healthy, less wealthy and less happy,? Steel said.
Cited is one man who spent 40 hours of delay time to avoid five minutes of work.
How about a professor who spent 10 years coming up with a 30-page report that concludes what could have been learned from any of the aforementioned restroom regulars.