Brandon Twp.- Patrick and Michelle Ervin started out with a dining room table with six chairs.
It was large enough for them and their three children? Dillon, Jackie and Shannon. But when they took in two foster children, Annie and Nathan, they needed a bigger table. They got a table that would seat eight, and they made Annie and Nathan permanent members of the family through adoption.
Still, there was one empty chair at the table.
‘Michelle said, ‘God says we need to fill a seat,?? says Patrick now, sitting on a sofa in their spacious home.
Fill it they did, adopting Ryan, now a happy 2-year-old.
‘No more kitchen tables,? says Patrick, smiling.
Renay Rath, director of communications at Adoption Associates, Inc., notes that November is National Adoption Awareness Month.
‘People would be surprised to learn what an immeasurable blessing adoption is,? says Rath. ‘There’s this feeling that an adopted child isn’t your real child or there is a difference. When a couple adopts a child, that is their child. This is the way their family was meant to be built.?
The Ervins understand the hesitancy toward adoption, explaining it’s the unknown. But they feel they were called to do it and couldn’t imagine their family any other way.
Patrick Ervin had previous experience with adoption and with foster children. His parents had nine foster children through the years and adopted his two sisters, one locally and one from Vietnam.
Patrick and Michelle Ervin wed almost 16 years ago and began having children soon after’first Dillon, now 14, then Jackie, now 12, followed by Shannon, 9. After Shannon was born, they thought they were done? but six months later, Michelle knew she wanted more. However, having had difficult pregnancies, she did not want to go that route again. By the time Shannon was two-and-a-half, Michelle was desperate for another child.
‘We had room and love to give,? says Patrick.
Direct placement adoption was not working out well for them. Because the Ervins already had three children, they were not considered ideal candidates by many birth mothers who wished for a childless couple to place their baby with.
The Ervins instead started their journey by becoming foster parents. Annie and Nathan, half-siblings, came to them in 1999.
‘When Annie came through our door, I knew we’d adopt,? says Patrick. ‘I knew this little girl would be here forevermore.?
Annie was 5, just 10-months older than Shannon. The Ervins call the pair ‘Irish twins? and say they are not only sisters, but friends. Nathan was just 2-months-old, and would soon light up the house with his smiles.
‘We had to learn what the sensitivities are,? says Michelle of the fostering and adoption process. ‘In the end, everyone wants to be a child in a family where you are loved and valued for who you are and not how you got there.?
Annie and Nathan’s adoptions were complete in January 2002. But still, there was that empty seat at the table.
The Ervins connected with Adoption Associates, but were one of 74 families waiting to adopt. They created a profile for themselves for prospective birth mothers, telling about themselves, their five children, and their family life.
At first, their profile was not open to all races. They had some reservations about transracial adoption and Michelle acknowledges she was worried about how family, friends and strangers would react. They prayed about it and worried that they wouldn’t be chosen.
Michelle remembers praying one day about transracial adoption and finally saying, ‘That’s it, fine, but I want a baby by Christmas!?
Although they opened the profile to become available to all races, Christmas came and went and there was no baby. But on January 12, 2004, the phone rang. It was a new name on the caller ID from Adoption Associates. Shaking, Michelle picked up the phone.
A voice on the other end told her a healthy, black male child was born on the weekend.
‘I started crying,? says Michelle. ‘They told me he had been due on Christmas. This was my baby.?
Ryan had to spend a few days in foster care before the Ervins were allowed to pick him up in Grand Rapids, with workers handing him into their waiting arms and saying the words they longed for: ‘Here is your son.?
On the way home, they stopped at a store, where a clerk asked Michelle how old her baby was and upon hearing 9-days-old, told her, ‘You look good.?
Her response: ‘Yes, I do.?
Michelle has also had strangers tell her Ryan looks just like her.
‘I love it,? she says smiling. ‘He’s my baby.?
The Ervins don’t feel the need to make any explanations. There are none necessary. This is their family.
‘Our family is like any other? we have good days and bad days,? says Michelle. ?(Adoption) doesn’t make you special. People say, ‘Oh, you’re so good,? but when you’re kissing them good night, they’re your kids. We just want to be a normal family.?
And they are? no matter the color of anyone’s skin, no matter how they joined the family. Their children all feel likewise. When asked what it is like to have adopted siblings, the answers range from ‘it’s cool,? to ‘fun,? to ‘good.?
‘It’s not any different than having a sibling who’s blood,? says Dillon. ‘Annie, Nathan and Ryan are the same as Jackie and Shannon. I never even think about it.?
Sister Jackie adds, ‘It’s fun to adopt. Even though you’re not blood or whatever, it’s always fun to have another sibling.?