A wife sought advice from a fortune-teller, who said, “Prepare yourself for widowhood. Your husband is about to die a violent death.” The wife signed deeply and asked, “Will I be acquitted?”
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Your know you’re going to have a bad day when you bite into a doughnut hole and find a hole in it.
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Some weeks ago I wrote of daughter Susan (president of the be-cruel-to-fathers club) giving me a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. By the time I got it put together my clothes were out of style.
Well, welcome to an “I’ve been there” father, Bill Patterson. (He has four daughters.) Former pharmacist Bill, now an Oakland county supervisor, gave me the antidote to the 1,000 piece puzzle.
His gift jigsaw puzzle has 24 pieces and took less than two minutes to put together. It’s pretty too, if you like black and orange caterpillars laying on a stick.
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Drove to Florida for a 2-week break from doing nothing. Some observations:
I was surprised and disappointed to see so many non-American cars — especially Nissan and Toyota. What did GM and Ford do to lose so much marketshare? Or is it what didn’t they do? Ford and Chevy used to have what is now the Nissan and Toyota market sewed up. Could it be that some of our industry leaders are too conceited or blind to what was happening in the land of the Rising Sun?
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Some Georgia and North Florida billboards try to lure drivers with “We Bare All” and “Adult Toys” places. I don’t think “adult toys” meant snowmobiles, ATVs and motorcycles. I might have stopped at one until I read “Free trucker showers.” I don’t think my van qualifies as a truck.
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I found a quick way to lose ten pounds while in Florida. Get food poisoning. I still don’t know if it was the fried oysters or crab salad.
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Are you like me, in that sometimes you lie to yourself? I pledged never to go into another Cracker Barrel restaurant. You walk through a store to get to the ‘seater’ who will tell you there’s a half hour wait even when you can see empty tables in the dining room.
Of course, I broke my self-imposed promise and got the same reception. I went next door to a Waffle House and was entertained just watching the cook prepare so many dishes at once from orders shouted from around the restaurant.
I promise I’ll never go into another Cracker Barrel. Yeah, right!
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It’s my observation that if I’m driving seven miles an hour over the speed limit the next car to pass me will be red in color, driven by a person with an implanted telephone driving a Mustang or Grand Am, not necessarily of recent vintage..
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Kentucky is my favorite state to drive through. I like the hills valleys and country radio stations. The stations seem to be either gospel or country music.
I took a liking to Ronnie Millsap’s “I’m having daydreams about night things in the middle of the afternoon, and while my hands make a living my mind’s on you.” I do not make these things up.
I liked a lot of the country songs, including, “You didn’t even say good-bye when you slammed that door.”
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Saw this bumper sticker: “Thou shalt not observe any speed limit.” It was on a red Mustang or Grand Am driven by . . .