Golfers delight in pars and birdies.
Golfers like to tell their lowest rounds.
As golfers age, they dream of shooting their age.
Consensus is that fewer than one percent of golfers achieve that goal.
Fran Bertram has had 599, 18-hole rounds of golf shooting his age or under. He’s been doing it since 1991, when he was 68-years-old. Par is usually 72.
And, if you knew him like I have for over 50 years, you’ll know he has kept records on his golf scoring, just as he has on various other things: 300 games in bowling, golf courses he has played, earnings, car costs and number of stents in his veins.
Fran Bertram is a human phenomenon. Earlier this year he had another stent, his 17th, put in his body. The doctor told him to take it easy for five days then proceed with his activity.
Seven days after that advice he shot a 74 at Oxford Hills Golf and Country Club. Yes, there were witnesses, but after all these years, few question him.
I play golf with him twice a week, with seven to 12 other club swingers. I was with him when he got his 599th age-or-under round. He may have his 600th by the time this column is in print, but on August 8th he’ll be 86.
His age-or-under rounds are bound to continue. He knows golf. He knows what each club will do for him, he can read greens, he has a swing right out of the lesson books and he can adjust to every golf course condition.
I mentioned he keeps records, he has achieved his 599 rounds on 31 different golf courses.
Nowadays he carries a range-finder gizmo. He’s programmed it for a dozen golf courses, with distances from wherever he is to the front, middle and back of the green.
At times he has read it, said to me, ?113 yards. I have a club for that.? Then he hits the ball 113 yards, usually landing on the green.
He keeps up on new clubs, too. And when he buys a new driver, like this year, he practices with it until he’s confident it will do what he wants.
When I buy a new club, I put it in the bag until I’m ready to use it on a golf course. Practicing is for the . . . for the . . . others who want to play good golf.
Fran wants to play good golf, and he does. He also tries to help me with my game. Many, many times I’ve had him remind me, ‘extension and acceleration.? When I do that, my game is better, but my old habits usually prevail.
Oh, yeah, Fran has 5 hole-in-ones.
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I believe most people, me included, have a major hang-up with cold calls. Calls trimming my mortgage, credit card debt, insurance, whatever. The next call I get that asks, ‘Can I speak to Mr. or Mrs. Sherman?? I’m going to say, ‘Yes, after I hang up you can reach Mrs. Sherman at 248-628-4HEAVEN.
If she were here and I gone, Hazel would say, ‘You can reach him at 248-628-TRYHELL.
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Here’s another great idea that probably won’t catch on. All race car drivers have sponsor logo patches all over their uniforms. Members of Congress should be compelled to wear similar outfits so we could identify their sponsors.
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I’ve learned many things in life. Here are just a few:
? That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
? That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.
? That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer I get to the end, the faster it goes.
? That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!? makes my day.
? That love, not time, heals all wounds.