Danny Caulder would love to have a guy in his life who could teach him how to work on cars and build engines.
‘Someday I look forward to getting my first car and fixing it up myself,? he said.
Since his parents got divorced, the 16-year-old Oxford High School student, who described himself as an ‘all-around pretty good kid,? has been in need of an adult male role model to hang out with, learn from and talk to about life in general.
‘Part of my problem is I get bored and when I get bored, I get really depressed,? Caulder said. ‘Then all I do is sleep or just sit around.?
Caulder said he doesn’t want to be a couch potato. He admitted he wants and needs to be more active in life.
Hank Szlenkier, caseworker for Oxford-Addison Youth Assistance, would love to help Caulder by matching him with an adult through the Mentors Plus program.
There’s only one problem.
‘I’m sad to say we have zero mentors right now,? said Szlenkier, who noted the most mentors he’s ever had at one time during the last 15 years was five.
Since 1973, Oakland County Youth Assistance’s Mentors Plus program has been matching caring adults with young people who need them. Adults who volunteer their time can choose to work in either prevention, working with an at-risk youngster, or intervention, helping to guide a young person with minor court involvement.
‘At-risk? is something that’s ‘very loosely? defined, according to Szlenkier.
‘It could be a youth going through a death in the family, divorce, separation from a parent,? he said. ‘It could be something like their parent’s in Iraq or Afghanistan.?
According to Youth Assistance, reliable statistics from a long-term mentoring program indicated that, after only 18 months, youngsters who met with their mentors an average of three times per month were 46 percent less likely to start using drugs, 27 percent less likely to start drinking, 53 percent less likely to skip school and 37 percent less likely to skip a class.
‘Research has shown that these type of programs have more of an impact on youth, their stability, their emotional well-being, than most other programs out there,? Szlenkier said.
Mentors Plus volunteers are expected to devote one-year of their life to spending at least two or three hours a week with a youth who needs them.
‘It’s not so much what they do, it’s that they do something together,? Szlenkier said. ‘It’s that weekly contact that means the most. It’s the relationship. It’s the positive role modeling. It’s being a friend to the youth.?
How the mentors and youth spend their time together is entirely up to them.
Szlenkier noted mentors shouldn’t feel pressured or obligated to spend a lot of money on their youth or make every visit a trip to the amusement park.
‘It’s not about money or extravagant things,? Szlenkier said. ‘It’s the simple things. It’s going for a walk. Maybe reading to the child. Going to the library. Taking a bike ride.
‘That’s what we look for ? those inexpensive special moments together. It’s the time together that’s most important.?
To help mentors and youth establish bonds, Youth Assistance provides activities such as group outings and offers free tickets to concerts, plays and sporting events.
Szlenkier believes one the reasons some people have shied away from volunteering in Mentors Plus is because they think they lack the skills or qualifications to do it.
But that’s simply not true.
‘It’s not about being a counselor. It’s not about being a substitute parent,? he explained. ‘It’s the relationship, not any specific skills. The skills necessary for an adult are just being there.?
To help get mentors started, there is a mandatory, one-day, six-hour training session which goes over some basic do’s and don’ts and how to handle certain situations that may arise.
After that, mentors have the option of receiving more training if they wish.
Youth Assistance checks in with the mentors on a monthly basis to see how things are going.
‘We don’t just leave them high and dry,? Szlenkier said. ‘There’s on-going contact.?
Szlenkier said some of the bonds created through Mentors Plus last a lifetime.
He recalled one former mentor who served as the best man at a youth’s wedding.
Here in Oxford, there’s a man who still calls and visits the youth he mentored even though this young man is now serving time in prison.
‘He has not given up on him,? Szlenkier said. ‘That’s pretty significant.?
To become a mentor, a person must be at least 18 years old and out of high school.
Criminal background and personal reference checks are conducted as well as a two-hour interview at the prospective mentor’s home conducted by Szlenkier and another member of Youth Assistance.
Caulder’s grandfather, Richard Fifield, of Oxford, is hoping someone will volunteer to mentor Danny because the program worked so well for one of his other grandchildren.
Fifield credited Mentors Plus with helping his other grandson ‘open up? and become more involved. He became less rebellious towards his mother and ‘more fun-loving.? He’s now pursuing a career in the computer field.
Fifield would like to see a mentor relationship work that same magic on Caulder. He believes having someone outside the family to talk to would benefit his grandson greatly.
‘I think (Youth Assistance’s) programs are great for these kids,? Fifield said. ‘It works for them.?
For more about how to become a mentor call the OAYA office at (248) 969-5177.