Brandon Twp.- June 26, 2015 will be remembered in history as the day the United States Supreme Court ruled that same-sex marriage is a constitutional right in all 50 states.
For Willie and David Ollie-Ray, township residents, the date is yet another to celebrate in their life together.
‘I am excited!? said Willie on Wednesday. ‘It’s finally done and we don’t have to worry about it anymore. Marriage is commitment for a lifetime and protection for our family… I wanted to be married because I love him and I wanted a life commitment, it was something we decided before we could do it. Thirteen years ago, before it was legal, we said our vows and agreed to make it through the good and bad times and we’ve had some bad times, but now we are recognized as a family and have the same protections as anyone else.?
Willie and David met and fell in love in 2001, and have considered themselves married since June 20, 2002, when they pledged their love to each other in a civil union ceremony in Vermont. They pursued their dream of becoming fathers by applying to become foster parents and fostered 18 children in just a few years with the hopes of being able to eventually adopt. In 2005, David legally adopted their first son, Christopher, at the age of 2. Not long after, David legally adopted Paris, now 18, and DeJhone, 16, and the youngest addition to their family is Billy, now 9. In 2010, Christopher died from complications of cerebral palsy.
Through their joys and sorrows with their children, Willie has always wanted the legal recognition that he, too, is the boys? father. When U.S. District Judge Bernard Friedman ruled on March 21 of last year that Michigan’s same-sex marriage ban was unconstitutional, Willie and David were among dozens of same-sex couples who rushed to the Oakland County clerk’s office to marry the next day, particularly so Willie could get legal recognition as Paris? father before their son’s 18th birthday in September. But a resulting appeal and stay of the ruling put the family in limbo. Paris? 18th birthday passed and with it, the opportunity was lost for Willie to receive that legal recognition as their son’s father.
That opportunity will not be lost again. Willie is already planning a trip to the courthouse, where in addition to getting his name on the adoption papers, he will also formally change his last name from Ray to Ollie-Ray.
David notes that he and Willie have already enjoyed many benefits denied to other same-sex couples, such as health benefits, because of David’s job at Oakland University, which extends benefits to same-sex partners. But he is excited about the legal recognition and wants to have a hoedown and barn dance at their township home to celebrate, and perhaps a clergymember to wed them in the Michigan ceremony they always wanted. The couple both profess a belief in God, although David said the death of Christopher shook their faith somewhat and they stopped attending Immanuel Church in Oxford where they had felt very accepted.
‘I would go back there and consider asking their pastor to marry us,? said David. ‘I still believe in God and I pray. I do question things, the historical things in the Bible, you always question things. You have faith or you lose faith, and it sometimes is a difficult thing. It’s not because we’re gay, I think it’s true of everyone… I would definitely like a religious aspect (to our wedding ceremony). ?
Same-sex couples who are newly eligible to be wed may not have the easiest time finding clergy who are willing to perform marriage ceremonies for them.
Pastor Dave Pratt of the Ortonville United Methodist Church, said Methodist pastors are not to allow gays to marry within the Methodist church, nor are Methodist clergy allowed to perform same-sex weddings at any location, although some have gone against the rules that are laid out in the Methodist ‘Book of Discipline.?
‘If they did, they are brought up on charges, not by police, but within the church,? said Pratt. ‘Will that change? I don’t know. I have a feeling that truthfully, it won’t.?
He notes that the United Methodist Church has a general conference every four years in which Methodist delegates from around the world meet and make changes in the Book of Discipline. The next meeting is set for 2016 and any changes would take effect in 2017. He continues that the church has debated ordination of gay and lesbian ministers every four years since 1972, and while support for such a move was strengthening for many years, about eight years ago, the tide turned. He attributes this to losses in U.S. and European church members, while church membership grows in more conservative areas of the world.
‘Within the United States, we lose about 90,000 members through death and attrition every year,? he said. ‘The worldwide (Methodist) church gains 290,000 members every year. We are one of the fastest growing Christian denominations worldwide. We’re growing in Africa, the Philippines, Korea. Those areas are more conservative, or more traditional may be the better term to use, and the vote to not let (gay or lesbian ministers be ordained or for same-sex couples to be married) is stronger.?
Pratt said most major Christian denominations, including Episcopal, Lutheran, Church of God, and Assembly of God, have lost overall membership as more and more people say they are ‘spiritual,? but don’t go to church.
‘We have become so self-dependent, self-righteous, the focus is on ‘me,?? he said. ‘They don’t want a Bible or pastor or church telling them what they can or can’t do, it’s become, ‘I’m going to sort this out on my own.??
Matt Bailey, pastor of Brandon Community Church of the Nazarene, said while he welcomes all to attend worship services at the church, he has turned down wedding ceremony requests in the past where he didn’t feel comfortable with the couple and although the law now states same-sex couples can marry, he will not perform a wedding for these couples.
‘I would not marry a same-sex couple, that would be one instance out of many examples where I would not be comfortable,? he said. ‘If an individual cheated on their spouse and wanted to marry the individual they had an adulterous affair with, I would say they need to make things right with the spouse. If we say marriage is to be between a man and woman forever, I would hold to that in all… We need to uphold Scripture in all instances and I wouldn’t say any one issue is any bigger than another. I would also not conduct a same-sex marriage because it goes against Scripture and it goes against the Nazarene denomination.?
He points to a statement released by the Nazarene Board of Superintendents the day of the Supreme Court’s ruling:
‘Societies across the globe are engaged in conversations to redefine marriage. Media debates, election-day balloting, and governmental court rulings have provided the platform for this redefinition. We believe a biblical view of marriage involves a monogamous, covenantal relationship between a man and a woman. Jesus said, ?… At the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,? and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate? (Matthew 19:4-6 NIV).
Today the United States Supreme Court, in the 5-4 decision of Obergefell v. Hodges, legalized same-sex marriage nationwide. We remind our people that while the civil law of yet another country has changed, divine truth has not changed. We will learn how this civil definition functions within the context of our constitutional and religious freedoms. Our commitment to the orthodox biblical Christian faith remains the same. We continue to call Nazarenes around the world to a life of holiness, characterized by holy love and expressed through the most rigorous and consistent lifestyle of sexual purity. We further call our people to a generosity and graciousness of spirit that extends kindness to those who do not share our belief. We pray that God will help us be examples of His truth in a world that needs to see God’s love demonstrated in word and deed more than ever.?
Bailey adds that he believes the Supreme Court only addresses the legalites of marriage, while he believes that marriage is only sustainable with the love of God.
‘It doesn’t function well outside of faith,? he said. ‘There are many who get married without religious faith and I would call them to acknowledge God…Marriage requires so much love and so much pure intentions, that if we are to truly live up to it, it requires total reliance upon God’s grace.?
While David Ollie-Ray has faith in God, he wonders where that leaves couples, both gay and straight, who are atheists.
I don’t think marriage is a religious institution, it’s an agreement between two people to care for and love each other the rest of your life,? he said.
Willie agreed.
‘God didn’t create marriage, he created man and woman,? he said. ‘Marriage is between two people. I believe in God, and I am sure he is happy for us. I can’t imagine him not being happy. I don’t see God bringing me on this Earth to be miserable. We found each other, this is the way he made us, he’s got to be happy for us.?
Pratt said rather than a yes or no vote on same-sex marriage at next year’s conference, delegates may consider a third option, to allow individual congregations to decide whether to allow same-sex marriage in their respective churches by individual clergy.
‘I really don’t know which way to go,? said Pratt. ‘We are to love people and care for them no matter what their lifestyle…We are to reach out and love God’s creation and you and I and all are all part of God’s creation. We are to minister to them. Marry them? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll be retired before that happens. I don’t know that I could, but I am still a work in progress. I guess it would come down to the individuals and if they were strong Christians that had a strong love and it showed, then I might.?