Four years ago, this week we were knee-deep in presidential campaign politics. Guess what, we are now, too. Here’s what I wrote then, but what is best about that column was what I stole from humorist Will Rogers. It was the same four years ago, as it was 80 years ago.
* * *
Give me a Y.
Give me an I.
Give me a K.
Give me an E and a S, what’s it spell?
Yikes . . .
Yikes!
YIKES!
Now that the two parties in control of politics here and across the nation have had their weeks in the spotlight all I can say is, yikes. It is going to be a banner year for bummer campaigning. Both President George Bush and Senator John Kerry have taken off the gloves to let their running mates duke it out. Republican Dick Cheney and Dem John Edwards are tough. Again, yikes.
And, since we’ll be served up lots of hot and steamy bits of el-crappo from the national campaigners, I thought I’d run something that actually makes sense. Words of wisdom from a man who actually was a Democrat (but we won’t hold it against him) before being killed in an airplane crash. Will Rogers was the American Cowboy Humorist. In 1995 Robin Chew wrote this: ‘Rogers gained much of his popularity as a lecturer on current events. He would chew gum and perform rope tricks while telling humorous anecdotes about business, politics and people. His stories were more than just funny. In his down-home way Rogers criticized the status quo, making serious comments about important social issues. He also wrote a syndicated newspaper column and six books, appeared in 50 silent pictures and 21 talking movies, and was popular on radio. Rogers? life was cut short in a plane crash near Point Barrow, Alaska in 1935.?
Before his untimely death he was quoted as penning/saying the following:
* People don’t change under governments.
Governments change. People remain the same.
* ‘Lettin? the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin? it back in.?
* ‘If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.?
* ‘If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
* ‘After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him . . . The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.?
* ‘Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.?
* ‘There’s two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.?
* ‘If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.?
* ‘Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.?
* ‘It doesn’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.?
* ‘The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.?
* ‘Don’t squat with your spurs on.?
* ‘Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.?
* ‘Never miss a good chance to shut up.?
* ‘Always drink upstream from the herd.?
* ‘When you’re throwin? your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.?
* ‘There are three kinds of men:
1. The ones that learn by reading.
2. The few who learn by observation.
3. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.?
* ‘You know the platform will always be the same, promise everything, deliver nothing.?
* ‘This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid of it.?
* Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what’s going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?
* Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie? until you can find a rock.
* On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
* The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that’s out always looks the best.
* The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
And, as 1970s television tough-guy Berreta used to say, ‘You can take that to the bank.?
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