A spaghetti-dinner fundraiser for Lindsey Friend will hopefully help her parents David and Nancy Friend with medical bills and expenses.
For Lindsey, suffering from amnesia caused by a severe head injury eight weeks ago, it’s also a chance to renew relationships.
‘I don’t know how many people I know,? said Lindsey, 15, who has friends at Clarkston Junior High School, cheerleading, gymnastics, Basic Buddies at Independence Elementary, and St. Daniel Catholic Church. ‘This is a chance to remeet people and understand how many people know me and love me.?
‘It’s to show Lindsey how she is important to so many people,? said Nancy, 1981 graduate of Clarkston High School. ‘It’s to show people how they can help.?
A ‘flier? on her JV cheerleading team, she fell and hit her head during practice, Sept. 29.
‘I remember hitting the floor really hard on the bottom of my head back here,? Lindsey said, pointing to the base of her skull.
‘I remember looking up at a bunch of faces, and I didn’t know any of them. People kept asking me questions and I didn’t have the answers. I felt numb and tingly. I didn’t know if I was OK, where I was, what happened.?
She received two CAT scans the night of the accident ? one was questionable and the other came back normal. Doctors diagnosed her with mild traumatic brain injury, Nancy said.
‘The doctors said, take her home,? she said. ‘They said she would be OK.?
The first couple of weeks after the accident, Lindsey suffered severe migraine headaches.
Side effects listed for medication prescribed for the headache pain included loss of memory, which was unacceptable to David.
‘We took her to the University of Michigan and they took her off that,? he said.
‘They have good doctors at University of Michigan,? Lindsey said. ‘I like them a lot.?
Loss of memory is normal in these types of situations, they were told, and Lindsey’s memory would return.
‘But we’re still waiting,? Nancy said.
Doctors still think she’ll come out of it, David said.
‘As a father, I’ve prepared for a lot of things, like a broken arm, but I never planned for amnesia. It just never came up,? he said.
‘We’ve never been in this kind of situation, where you don’t know what to expect,? Nancy said. ‘This is way deeper than just losing school work.?
Lindsey remembers everything after the accident, but almost nothing before.
She seemed to recognize a magazine photo of Michael Phelps, whose Olympics career she followed closely this past summer. She knows how to use an iPod. She didn’t know Halloween and Christmas traditions, but vaguely recalled ‘boom things? when told about the Fourth of July.
But she has practically no memory of friends, relatives, even her family, experiences, and almost everything she has ever learned.
The scope of her memory loss became apparent in the days after her accident. Taking a shower, she almost burned herself because she forgot how to turn on the cold water.
‘That’s when we knew the situation, that she wasn’t just in some fog,? Nancy said.
When greeted by a friend she’s known all her life, Lindsey didn’t recognize her.
‘She had a deer-in-headlights look,? Nancy said.
‘Friends would come up and give me a hug, and I would have no clue who they are,? Lindsey said. ‘I’m closer now to some friends but I’ve lost some others. It’s hard on them.?
‘They don’t know how to handle it,? Nancy said. ‘Some avoid her. They keep expecting the old Lindsey.?
For Lindsey, it’s like meeting and making friends with dozens of people at the same time.
‘It’s hard for them and scary for me,? she said. ‘I’m still me. I’m still fun. I look OK. They talk about things we used to do. I have to tell them I don’t remember them. They sound fun, though.?
She has lost weight since the accident because of loss of appetite.
‘She doesn’t know what she likes,? Nancy said. ‘She quit biting her nails. She used to like chocolate. Now, she doesn’t like it.?
‘Previously, she was self sufficient,? David said. ‘She would be on us to get her all the places she needed to be. She would finish projects before they were due.?
In the construction business, David has had to turn down out-of-state work to stay home for Lindsey. Losing 15 years of parental lessons and lectures meant he has had to be a disciplinarian at times, he said.
‘It’s been tough for us,? he said. ‘I’ve been aggravated. She knows me as a grouch.?
Also lost are reading comprehension, math skills, music reading and other school skills. She had to drop her regular class schedule.
‘A lot of kids in school don’t know what’s wrong with me,? Lindsey said. ‘They tell me I’m lucky to not have to take exams. I’d rather take the exams.?
She goes to Clarkston Junior High three hours a day to work with counselors and relearn basic skills, and David tutors her at home.
‘School is really hard,? she said. ‘I get confused easily. I have trouble concentrating. I used to be good in school. I look at my report cards, and it’s like, oh, cool, I got A’s. I don’t know what I did to get them. A teacher would say I was a good student. I don’t remember the teacher.?
She is relearning quickly, though.
‘I’m like a sponge. I absorb everything I see and hear,? she said.
The accident created a role reversal for her and her brother, Joe Friend, 12, student at Sashabaw Middle School. In some ways, he is the older sibling. He helps her with schoolwork. She watches him play hockey.
‘It’s hard, but mom and dad tell me I’m being a good brother,? Joe said.
‘It’s fun for me and mom to watch Joe skate,? Lindsey said.
A straight-A student since kindergarten, the Independence Township family is hopeful Lindsey’s brain will heal itself.
‘She’s was always very smart,? David said. ‘Everything she ever wanted to do, she excelled in. She’s still going to do that.?
‘She’s an amazing young lady,? Nancy said. ‘They have good counselors at school. They’re doing everything they can to help her.?
‘It’s a huge transition,? David said. ‘But we’re lucky. We’re blessed. Lindsey is still Lindsey.?
On a bow hunting trip with her father, she had a deer in range, but didn’t shoot because she was worried its antlers weren’t big enough to be legal.
‘I was a little scared ? I didn’t know how big the antlers were,? she said.
‘She was concerned it would be illegal,? he said.
While hoping memories return, Lindsey still plans for the future.
‘I want to run track again,? she said. ‘I want to run for Georgetown.?
‘She still plans to earn a scholarship,? David said.
Always interested in sports medicine as a career, now she wants to be a sports-related neurologist.
‘I want to be able to tell people everything is going to work out for them,? she said. ‘I’d be able to tell people, ‘I’ve been through the same thing, and it worked out fine.? I want to give them hope.?
She faces weeks of testing to determine what was injured and what was affected.
‘Hopefully things do come back,? Nancy said. ‘We’ve been through the gamut. It’s just going to take time.?
If she does regain memories from before the accident, she faces the possibility of losing memories made since.
‘We’re not out of the woods yet,? David said.
Initially angry and looking for someone to blame, now the focus is entirely on Lindsey’s recovery, David said.
‘There’s nothing to get mad at ? it was an accident,? he said. ‘We’re just trying to get her healthy now.?
The spaghetti dinner is 5-8 p.m., Friday, Dec. 5, at Knights of Columbus hall, 5660 Maybee Road. Requested is a minimum donation of $5 per person. Donations for door prizes and silent auction are also requested.
Donations to the Friend family can also be mailed to Oxford Bank, 7199 N. Main St., Clarkston, MI, 48346. Make donations payable to ‘Benefit Fund for Lindsey Friend.?
For more information, email crea2770@comcast.net, or call 313-218-0224.