Time for me to fly…
This will be my last column as editor of The Lake Orion Review–as of the first of October, I will be a new resident of Henderson, Nevada, just outside of Las Vegas.
The Review was my first ‘real job.? I started here shortly after graduating from Oakland University, and I’ve learned so much in the seven-plus years I’ve been here.
But, it’s time for a change. I was presented with an opportunity I couldn’t pass up, so I am packing my bags and heading out west.
Thanks to everyone who sent encouraging words (and even those who sent not-so-encouraging ones) during my time as editor. At least I always knew somebody was reading the paper.
My sister sent this to me after hearing I was moving to Nevada. She hoped it wouldn’t make me mad, and I wasn’t. I thought it was very funny. She’s not sure who the original writer is. Let’s hope I don’t end up sending any letters like this to my family in Michigan:
May 30th: Just moved to Arizona. Now this state knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days, and warm, balmy evenings. What a place! It’s beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here!
June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem–live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I’m turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants, lots of cactuses and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me! Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th: The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this? At least it’s kind of windy, but getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool and got third-degree burns over 60 percent of my body. Missed three days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson, though. Got to respect the ol? sun in a climate like this.
July 20th: I didn’t see my cat sneak into my car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, she was dead and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag. Stank up the upholstery. The car now smells like kibbles and crap. I learned my lesson, though. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blowdryer! And it’s so hot. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz, and the repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for three nights now. A $325,000 house, and I can’t even go inside. Why did I ever come here??
Aug. 4th: It’s 115 degrees. Finally got the AC fixed. It cost $500, and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.
Aug. 8th: If another wise guy cracks, ‘Hot enough for you today??, I’m going to strangle him. This heat–by the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking, and I smell like baked cat!
Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seat in my car, I thought my backside was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs. Now my car smells like burnt hair and baked cat.
Aug. 10th: The weather report might as well be a recording, ‘hot and sunny, hot and sunny.? It’s been too hot to do anything for two months, and the weatherman says it might ‘really warm up? next week.
Doesn’t it ever rain in the desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1,700 worth of cactuses will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactuses can’t live in this heat.
Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 119 today. Forgot to crack the window, and blew the windshield out of my car. The installer came to fix it and said, ‘Hot enough for you today??
My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Arizona. What kind of a sick, demented idiot would want to live here??
Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.

Last week, it was reported in the news that Radio Shack had laid off 400 employees at their Fort Worth, Texas headquarters via email.
I knew today’s corporate world had gotten cold, but not this cold. The company claims they handled the layoffs as ‘respectfully as they could,? but I disagree.
An email tends to be today’s equivalent of ‘you’re not worth a stamp,? or ‘I didn’t have time to drop by and chat face-to-face.?
It’s the easy way out. It’s also unprofessional and unacceptable.
If someone has given years of their life, slaving away for the corporate good, don’t you think the very least they are owed is a face-to-face ‘sorry we can’t keep you on any longer, thanks for your hard work??
It was reported in the news that the email basically informed the employee that they were being laid off, and that they had half an hour to clear out their things and get out of the building.
Brrrrrrrr. That’s cold.
I was seriously appalled when I heard this story. Everyone knows laying off or firing someone from a job isn’t the easiest thing in the world today. But when you are an ADULT, you have to do these things, and you have to do them in an adult and professional manner.
Laying someone off via an email is, to me, the equivalent of a teenager deciding to quit their job at McDonald’s by sending an email. It’s immature and it has no place in the professional world.
I hope Radio Shack learns a lesson from all this negative publicity and starts valuing their employees, even the ones about to be sacked, a bit more.
***
Hopefully everyone had a nice Labor Day weekend. I can’t believe summer is ‘unofficially? over already and the kids are already back in school.
I will turn 30 this year, and people keep telling me that at this age time really starts to speed up. Now I believe them. It will be Christmas before I know it!

I spent this past weekend trying to squeeze in a few last fun outings before summer makes its unofficial exit this weekend.
On Saturday I visited the Detroit Zoo for the first time this year. Although the zoo was reporting funding problems earlier this year, they seemed to be taking in plenty of money at the ticket booths. My boyfriend and I, and a friend, arrived around 11 a.m. and there were already massive lines to get inside.
Although it was a humid day (what a surprise for August in Michigan, right?), it was also overcast, which kept the temperature down. And despite a not-very-optimistic weather forecast, it didn’t rain. The only thing that detracted from our enjoyment were screaming children. Yes, I know there are bound to be kids at the zoo. That I don’t mind.
It’s just annoying when you are trying to get a look at an elusive gorilla, or a hiding tiger, and the kid next to you is screaming at the top of their lungs and driving the animals further away.
I did also see plenty of kids enjoying the zoo in a respectful manner. But wherever we went, the gang of screaming children seemed to follow us.
I realize the zoo is an outing that is geared towards kids, but I don’t think that means they should be given free reign to act like hyenas, even if it is a zoo.
On Sunday we made our first trip this season to the Michigan Renaissance Festival in Holly. Again, it was blessedly overcast, keeping things cool, and no rain. And I didn’t see a single screaming child. For whatever reason, all of the children there that day were extremely well-behaved.
It was Highland Fling weekend, so we did the requisite watching of the caber toss (which they say, by the way, isn’t just men in skirts throwing logs…but I fail to see the difference).
We also enjoyed several shows, as well as eating our way across the festival, which resulted in rapid emptying of our wallets.
Here’s the thing, every year they seem to raise the admission price to get into this thing…now it’s $17.95 just to get through the gates.
And unless you want to starve all day, you’re going to end up forking over $4.50 for soup in a bread bowl, or equal amounts for a turkey drumstick, or the oh-so-Renaissance-y pepperoni pizza.
Since they are so big on keeping the ‘atmosphere? authentic, maybe they could have a special ‘all-Renaissance? weekend where prices reflect the same?

Last week I got an email from Lake Orion resident Carl Johnson, 20, a self-proclaimed ‘armchair space history buff,? who was excited to share with me that NASA is in the final stages of picking a name for its program to return American astronauts to the surface of the moon by 2018…and it’s Project Orion!
In Carl’s words, ‘Is that cool or what??
According to space.com, NASA intends to use the name Orion as both the title for its next generation manned craft, the Crew Exploration Vehicle (CEV), and as the project’s name.
Project Apollo sent the first humans to the surface of the moon 37 years ago.
The last man to walk on the moon, Carl informed me, was astronaut Gene Cernan on Apollo 17, in December 1972.
Under Project Orion, NASA would launch crews of four astronauts aboard Orion capsules, first to Earth orbit and the International Space Station, and then later to the moon.
According to the story, two teams, one led by Lockheed Martin, and the other a joint effort by Northrop Grumman and the Boeing Co., are currently competing to build the CEV.
NASA is expected to select the winner in September.
***
Several weeks ago I wrote about my addiction to the pedometer that I had picked up attending the National Trails Day event at the Paint Creek Trail earlier this summer.
Unfortunately, my pedometer met an untimely demise due to overexposure to the sun. So I wasn’t able to continue participating in the 10,000 steps a day contest, which ends on Sept. 4.
That’s the day the Paint Creek Trailways Commission will hold the Labor Day Virtual Bridge Walk, coinciding with Governor Granholm’s run across the Mackinac Bridge.
The commission will recognize one adult and one child (under 17) who have logged the most steps since June 3.
Honestly, I was still pretty far away from the goal of 10,000 steps a day before my pedometer died.
***
Driving on 94 this past weekend, I was having a hard time understanding some of the advertising billboards I was passing.
There were several billboard advertisements where I just wasn’t sure what they were trying to sell to me.
In my opinion, it’s not very effective advertising if people can’t immediately identify what you want them to buy.

This is my first, and hopefully last, column about my cat, Isabelle.
I don’t have any real (i.e. human) children to write about, so you’re going to have to read about the only kid I’ve got, my cat.
I got her when she was about six weeks old, a little over seven years ago. I had just gotten my first apartment after college, and I’d always had cats as family pets while I was growing up. I decided it would be nice to come home to someone/something every night, even if that something was a cat that could really care less.
The cat is pretty much spoiled. She’s an indoor cat, so I never bothered to get her a collar. She has the run of the house, is allowed on the furniture, knows it, and always takes full advantage of it.
This past weekend I decided she should start wearing a collar and ID tag. She isn’t allowed outside, other than on my third floor balcony while under close supervision. But, I decided it was time for her to start wearing one anyway, just in case.
I made a trip to the pet store and picked out a nifty black collar with white stars. I used the instant engraving machine to have a matching black ID tag made.
The cat’s reaction was at first one of complete disbelief. I think she thought the collar was a joke; surely we wouldn’t really be leaving this noose around her neck permanently?
You would have thought the collar was made of burlap and needles instead of soft nylon. To say the cat reacted badly is putting it mildly. She immediately began rolling around and kicking at herself, as though possessed by a demon.
My boyfriend thought this was hilarious, and started shooting a video with his digital camera. ‘This is great YouTube stuff,? he said.
YouTube.com is where people post videos of themselves doing everything from impersonating celebrities, to, well, watching their cats freak out the first time they are made to wear a collar.
We decided to give the cat time to adjust. A short while later, she strutted out from behind the couch, collar-free, with an expression that said, ‘Hey, glad that’s over with.?
She didn’t force the collar over her head, but rather somehow unhooked the metal buckle. She’s nothing if not persistent (and maybe a bit too smart).
The collar was refastened, and the cat’s still wearing it. She’s also still desperately trying to get it off, but hasn’t had any success.
However, she has discovered that the little black bell I thought was so cute in the store makes for an excellent revenge at 5 o’clock on a Saturday morning.

Summer is prime movie season. On any given weekend there have been at least two movies I’ve wanted to see. And since I love going to the movies, I love summer! The only thing I don’t love are the ticket prices. Ouch.
So far my favorite movie of the summer is Superman Returns. Even if you aren’t a comic book fan per se, chances are you’ll still enjoy this movie. The special effects are incredible, and the story is good. Not to mention, the new Superman is pretty cute.
I also saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2–Dead Man’s Chest (chances are you probably have too, as the movie’s still sitting in the number one spot at the box office). Commercials for the film are toting it as a ‘cultural phenomenon.? I don’t know about that, but it was fun to watch.
I still liked Superman better, though.
I also saw Lady in the Water, but was a bit disappointed. I’m an M. Night fan, but he seemed to hit a sour note with this one.
If you have trouble suspending disbelief for the sake of a film, you’ll definitely want to skip it.
Honorable mention: The Devil Wears Prada with Meryl Streep and Anne Hathaway. I read the book, but wasn’t sure how it would translate as a movie. It was actually pretty funny.
***
Every summer I make a trip to my parents? for their town’s citywide garage sales. Not to shop, but to have a sale of my own, as I am sans garage myself.
It’s a pretty big deal in my hometown. This was the first year, however, that I’ve had someone steal things from my sale.
Having grown up in a small town, and now living in what I consider to be a ‘small-ish? town, you trust people. You know your neighbors. So I was rather shocked when I discovered someone was actually shoplifting from my garage sale.
Who does this? How low do you have to be to steal things from a garage sale, and things marked at 50 cents, no less? In this case, it was two pairs of flip-flops. Yeah, big deal, right? But it’s the principle of it that bothers me.
There are still honest people in the world, but individuals who conduct themselves like this particular person did kind of ruin things for everyone else.
***
You’ll notice more election-related Letters to the Editor on our opinion pages this week. With the amount of letters I’ve been receiving, I’m hoping this means a lot of people will be coming out to cast their votes on Aug. 8.

This past weekend I traveled to Canton to visit Michigan’s first Ikea store for the second time in as many weeks.
When the store first opened last month, to much publicized fanfare, I scoffed at those camping out in the parking lot for days, and standing in line for hours before the store finally opened its doors to customers.
What’s the big deal, it’s just a furniture store, right? Wrong! Ikea isn’t just a furniture store, it’s a whole other world, and dare I say, a culture unto its own. Maybe I jest a bit. Yes, it’s just a furniture store. But it’s a darn cool one.
The weekend before the Fourth of July I made my first trip there, with a friend who was a self-proclaimed Ikea ‘old hat,? after visiting the store just once before, shortly after its June opening.
She guided me through the ways of Ikea, explaining that a trip to Ikea begins with a stop on the store’s top floor, where you will follow an arrow path around a showroom that displays multiple room layouts, including kitchens, living rooms, bedrooms, offices and more.
Each room is labeled with the square footage, and decorated in a different motif. Everything from the furniture, to the rugs, picture frames and accessories is labeled with a price tag and directions for where to find it for purchase in the store.
A helpful employee informed us that at Ikea, you can buy just about everything, except for the ceiling fans that help cool the store.
If you’re making your first trip, don’t mark yourself as an ‘Ikea newbie? by grabbing display items and slipping them in your cart. They won’t let you buy them.
If you find a piece of furniture you want, jot down the aisle and bin numbers for where it can be found in the warehouse, your last stop before hitting the checkouts.
The downstairs is the marketplace, where you can purchase the items displayed upstairs. But beware, Ikea is the ultimate land of impulse buying.
No trip is complete without a stop in the cafe. You’ll find the Swedish meatballs (Ikea is a Swedish-owned store), along with other tasty treats. All very good, all very reasonably priced.
After being schooled in the ways of Ikea, I was also able to proclaim myself an old hat when I took my parents there last Sunday. They had visited an Ikea in Seattle but said the Canton store is laid out much nicer.
When you visit, remember, be prepared to spend several hours and leave your charge cards at home!

This past week, the war abroad was brought home, as we learned that one of our own, Marine Staff Sergeant Raymond Plouhar, a LOHS grad, was killed by a roadside bombing while on duty in Iraq. I didn’t know Raymond well, but I did have a chance to talk with him in 2001, when I interviewed him about his decision to donate a kidney to his uncle.
Talking to people who knew him, it seems it was not unusual for Raymond to think of others before himself, and perhaps it was that mentality of sacrifice that led him to a career in the military. They call the Marines, ‘the few, the proud, the brave,? and I couldn’t agree more. Whatever your personal convictions may be about the war, you have to hand it to our soldiers, they are incredible people.
They volunteer to serve our country, never really knowing where they will be sent or what they will be asked to do. They don’t know if they’ll be coming home to see their friends and family, yet they willingly go where ever they are needed. How could there be a better definition of a hero than this?
It pains me to see stories in the media about people using soldiers? funerals as a place to stage demonstrations for their cause (especially when the cause is such a hateful and vile one to begin with). Yes, we are fortunate to have free speech, but it’s unfortunate when it gets abused in such a way.
No doubt your Fourth of July celebration included gathering with some friends to enjoy hot dogs on the grill and a fireworks show. But did you stop to thank a soldier?
If you didn’t, it’s not too late. Make plans to start a new tradition, one in which you somehow express your gratitude for those who, in the words of the Orion Veterans Memorial, ‘gave all of their tomorrows for our today.?
We can’t thank them enough. We need to let them know that regardless of how we may feel about our government’s decisions, we are behind the soldiers unflinchingly, unfailingly, 100 percent.
If you’re not sure how to get started, there’s plenty to do. On page 7, read the letter from Char Cito, who operates Operation Guardian Angel, sending care packages to troops overseas. She is also collecting funds to purchase a brick at the Orion Veterans Memorial in Raymond’s name. A trust fund for his children has been set up at National City Bank.
Local resident Louise ‘Desert Angel? Downs is also collecting for the troops. Right now she’s looking for sports equipment. Contact her at wezziey@yahoo.com or (248) 736-6403. Whatever you can do, do it today.

It doesn’t seem possible that summer is officially here. It wasn’t all that long ago that I was rushing around buying Christmas presents, and preparing to take over as editor of The Review.
It’s now six months later, but it doesn’t seem like that much time has passed. In Lake Orion, the Jubilee Carnival and fireworks show always mark the ‘official? start of summer.
Both events take place this weekend; the carnival begins on Thursday, and the fireworks are slated for 10 p.m. on Sunday (provided it doesn’t rain).
For the first time in many years, I won’t be doing much to celebrate the 4th. I usually host a gathering at my place, as I live across the street from the lake and usually have a pretty decent view of the show. But I didn’t have much luck the last time, as my power went out and my guests made a hasty retreat immediately after the fireworks to seek a cooler place.
This year I won’t be hosting a party because I have to work on Monday morning, the day after the fireworks show. There’s been some debate about this year’s date, and I’ll toss in my two cents that next year’s show will hopefully not fall on a Sunday or a weekday. It really needs to be on a Friday or Saturday night.
As it stands this year, I will probably watch the show and then go right to bed, so I can get up early and be at work at 7 a.m.
That’s the fun of the newspaper business’no matter what day a holiday falls on, the newspaper still has to come out on Wednesday. We’re kind of like the U.S. Mail in that way, I guess, come rain or shine, or Fourth of July.
***
Switching gears here’In the past few weeks, for some reason, I’ve transitioned much of my TV viewing solely to TLC (The Learning Channel) and The Food Network.
My mother is hoping my recent fascination with all things Food Network means I’m actually going to start cooking something. For years she’s been slipping me recipe books and cooking utensils, and I recently started using a few of them.
I’m hoping to add to my somewhat limited repertoire (currently consisting mostly of spaghetti).
I’ll keep you updated on any great successes I have, and maybe a few failures too, if they are particularly amusing.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended the National Trails Day celebration at the Paint Creek Trail headquarters in Oakland Township.
At the event, pedometers were given away, so I picked one up. A pedometer measures the number of steps you take each day, as well as the number of miles you’ve walked.
Some of the fancier (and pricier) ones even measure how many calories you’ve burned, your heart rate and more.
The challenge put forth by the Paint Creek Trailways Commission was for people to take 10,000 steps a day. That’s just about 5 miles for a person of average height like myself (steps are measured on the pedometer by the length of your stride).
I was also given a chart with which to track my daily step count and mileage progress, throughout the summer months.
In September, the person logging the most miles walked will win a prize at the Paint Creek Trail’s Labor Day Virtual Bridge Walk event, on Sept. 4.
In the past two and a half weeks, I’ve become a bit obsessed with my pedometer. I’ve even started to wish I had one in a few different colors, so the bright green doesn’t clash with my outfits.
The pedometer is attached to my person just before I leave the house each day, and it’s not removed until just before I’m ready to go to bed at night.
You’d be surprised how many steps you take just running errands, or even running up and down three flights of stairs to do laundry.
So far I’ve done pretty ok, but I am far from hitting the 10,000 step goal consistently. Some days I’m lucky to break 4,000.
For someone like me, who spends much of their day sitting behind a computer (as opposed to my reporter days, when I spent much of my work day running all over town), the only way to get those 10,000 steps in every day is to schedule a long walk.
That also requires time, which I don’t seem to have much of lately. I did rack up a whooping 13,000 steps two Saturdays ago, attending the city-wide garage sales in Romeo.
Maybe I’ll do better next week.
***
Speaking of garage sales, what is it about sifting through other people’s junk that makes me immediately forget about all the junk of my own I already have sitting at home. Must be the treasure-hunting aspect of a good garage sale.

I recently traveled to the Main Art Theatre in Royal Oak to see the new Al Gore documentary, ‘An Inconvenient Truth.? It was the only place where I could find the film, but I believe it should be playing on every multiplex screen in America.
It’s not necessarily a fun watch. Nobody likes to be chastised, or reminded of all their wrongdoings. However, at least for the moment, it’s not too late to try to undo some of the crappy things we’ve done to our Mother Earth.
I know a lot of people view global warming as a ‘tree hugger? issue. Perhaps like some of our let’s-stick-our-heads-in-the-sand-and-hope-this-all-goes-away-on-its-own politicians in Washington, you also believe global warming to be a ‘hoax.? Regardless, I think everyone should see this movie. See it with an open mind, and don’t bother with the popcorn and soda. You won’t need any unnecessary distractions while you take in all the information.
Don’t let the fact that Al ‘stiff as a board? Gore is narrating a documentary prevent you from seeing it. ‘Yawn,? you might be thinking. Quite the contrary. Gore, who is at times even funny, lays out pieces of scientific evidence to build to his point—the way we are currently living is destroying the planet, and if we don’t change our ways, and soon, it will have catastrophic consequences (think Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans on a global scale), for our children and their grandchildren.
It’s conceivable that in my own lifetime the Armageddon-like events hypothesized in the film could come to pass. I shudder at the thought. I don’t drive a hybrid car, but I would if I could afford it. However, there are a lot of things that even an average person like me can do to help change the course of our future.
Think about what you buy and the energy you use. Calculate your own carbon footprint (safeclimate.net/calculator), and figure out ways to decrease it. Maybe you’ll have to walk a bit more, or ride a bike to the store instead of hoping in the car to go down the street. Maybe, like me, you’ll have to set your AC higher, or shut it off altogether on certain days.
Whatever you can, do. I’m not saying we all have to turn into Leonardo DiCaprio over night. But earth is the only home we’ve ever had, and it’s the only one we’re going to get, so we’d best stop pretending the things we do as individuals don’t matter, and start to change our ways. Check out climatecrisis.net for more information.
Here’s your first step, make plans to see ‘An Inconvenient Truth,? and car pool if you can!

Many of you probably spent the long Memorial Day weekend enjoying the outdoors, then retiring for the evening into air-conditioned comfort.
Not me…as temperatures soared to record highs in the 90s, I discovered the central air I so enjoyed in my apartment last summer was no longer producing anything other than hot, stuffy air.
I pulled my two fans into the bedroom, the only room that gets a decent breeze (although that too was a hot one), and bunkered down. I slept, watched TV, and ate my meals in that room for three days.
This got me to thinking…exactly how did I survive my childhood? Three days without central air seemed like an eternity…yet somehow I managed to make it through my entire existence under my parents? roof without it.
Of course, my parents had an air conditioning unit in their bedroom. The bedroom I shared with my sister was a converted attic, spacious and warm in the winter, but literally hell in the summer.
See, my parents didn’t ‘believe? in central air. That is, until my sister and I both moved out of the house.
They have it now. They also have cable television, another once-forbidden luxury.
Back to my recent dilemma. Without my precious air conditioning, I immediately decided all cooking was out of the question. I ate many popsicles, which sadly began to melt the instant they were removed from the freezer.
Listening to the sounds of my neighbors? central air units happily humming away, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself. Temporary refuge was sought at the mall, along with any other air-conditioned store that happened to be open on Memorial Day.
Which got me to thinking…how did people survive before air conditioning?? I know it’s not really a necessity, but I love it.
I know I’m a wimp. There are still people who don’t have central air for their homes, but it always seems to me like they are just trying to prove something. They can’t be enjoying it.
***
I got a call from Lake Orion resident Roy Blankenburg last Thursday, after he read what I wrote in my column last week about politicians wasting the paper in our fax machine.
He called to share with me that he had received a letter from Oakland County notifying him that he would be assessed 25 cents for a special assessment district.
When he checked the envelope, he noted that the letter cost the county 39 cents to send.

Politicians seem to love wasting paper. We often get copies of a press release faxed to us, sent in the mail, and also emailed.
Often we receive copies of the same information faxed to us several times. The email is sufficient…what’s with the waste?
Mike Rogers? office seems the most guilty of this. Recent case in point: I received three of the same press release via fax, another one containing the same information but worded differently, also faxed, as well as an email and another copy sent to us in the mail.
The people in Lansing and Washington are always talking about watching out for the taxpayers? dollars…a good start would be to stop wasting so much paper!
***
What’s up with the Pistons? It’s almost like they have two different teams, and you never know which one is going to show up on any given game night. The squad that played in Game 7 against Cleveland wasn’t the same team I saw that wilted against the Miami Heat in Game 1 last Monday night, and the same team that went on to slip by the Heat in a nailbiter last Thursday. We won’t even talk about Games 3 and 4.
***
I leave you with a few memorable quotes from ‘The Decider,? also known as President George W. Bush. Will the English language survive his presidency?
‘The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.?
‘One word sums up probably the responsibility of any governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared.??
‘I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.?
‘We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world.?
‘I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.?
‘We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.?
‘A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.?
‘We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.?
‘For NASA, space is still a high priority.?
‘Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.?
‘It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.?
‘It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.?

I was one of many who flocked to the theaters over the weekend to see The Da Vinci Code movie.
Although I read the book, I still found myself getting wrapped up in the story. Despite how you may feel about the film’s subject matter, it does succeed in its main goal, to entertain.
There were some parts where it seemed if you hadn’t read the novel, you might be scratching your head a bit. Overall, I think they did a good job in presenting the material, and Sir Ian McKellan’s performance was wonderful, as usual, as was Tom Hanks?.
***
I’m getting a little tired of hearing about Jimmy Hoffa, and it sounds like the Feds will be out in Milford for at least a couple more weeks. I know this is one of those big American conspiracy-theory mysteries, but I don’t really care. Couldn’t this money be better spent, like perhaps using it to search harder for Osama bin Laden?
***
Got a call on Monday from a resident living near Waldon Middle School, who wasn’t happy with the Relay for Life people. The relay, a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society, was held there on May 20-21.
She said loud music was rattling windows in her neighborhood until 1:30 a.m., and noted that when the track area was recently redone, the school did not allow anyone to walk on the grass, which the relay people used for pitching tents and setting up booths.
She was concerned that with the new astro-turf at the high school football stadium, events such as Relay for Life will no longer be able to use that area, which she said was really more ideal for that type of thing than residential areas like the ones surrounding WMS. She also believed that school property should be used for school functions.
This resident also noted that commercial establishments have to follow the rules when it comes to shutting off the noise at a certain time, so why shouldn’t everyone else?
***
This was a busy weekend in Lake Orion—While I sent reporter Colin to cover the Relay for Life at Waldon, I spent some time myself covering the Flower Fair in downtown Lake Orion on Saturday afternoon.
The weather was beautiful, if a bit nippy (and windy). I read in the police log that some damage was reported to booths after the overnight hours on Saturday, due to high winds.
The chilly weather didn’t seem to be keeping too many people away though; there was a quite a crowd, and just about everyone I encountered had a big smile on their face.

It seems everyday, more and more regulations and laws have to be added to the books in the category of ‘You really should know better.?
Some people’s lack of common sense is astounding. First, there was the McDonald’s hot coffee debacle a few years ago, no doubt resulting in some idiot running off with a lot of money to soothe their scalding lip. Now there’s a helpful label, advising you that the hot coffee you just purchased, is, indeed, HOT. Maybe the label should just read ‘Remember, dummy, you didn’t order the ICE coffee.?
The latest law for idiots headed to the books will address the issue of people leaving children unattended in vehicles. A bill is currently in committee in the Michigan Legislature, which would make it a crime for someone to intentionally leave a child unattended in a vehicle, even if no injuries result.
Every summer, way too many tragic incidents are reported where a child is left alone in a hot car, or vice versa in winter. It doesn’t matter if the parent was getting their hair done for an hour, or running into a store for five minutes. You do not leave your child alone!
Why is this so hard for some people to comprehend? The latest cases in point involve a pair of 23-year-old mothers, one who left her five-month-old baby alone in her SUV while she shopped in a Southfield Meijer store for nearly an hour and a half; and the other where a woman left her five-year-old son in her vehicle while she reported for work at a hospital, also in Southfield.
In the first case, police reported that the baby was discovered crying and sweating in the hot vehicle. In the latter case, a relative arrived to pick up the child and take him to school. Big deal, you still left your kid alone.
The mother of the five-month-old was charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor, a 90-day misdemeanor. Sadly, in this case, this seems to be one law for idiots that is sorely needed. How can leaving your baby alone in a car be anything less than a felony?
It doesn’t matter why you did it, you know better. And if you honestly believe you don’t, you shouldn’t be breeding.
Maybe these are the same people who actually need the instructions on the back of the shampoo bottle. Either that, or they are the reason for the saying ‘You have to have a license to drive a car, but anyone can become a parent.?
Maybe some people should have to have a license to be a parent.

I recently received this email forward and thought I would pass it along (in a condensed version). Do you feel like this guy?
Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes are the rule.
Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco, tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his booze, tax his beers,
If he cries, tax his tears.
Tax his bills, tax his gas,
Tax his notes, tax his cash.
Tax him good, and let him know,
That after taxes, he has no dough.
If he hollers, tax him more,
Tax him until he’s good and sore.
Tax his coffin, tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.
Put these words upon his tomb,
‘Taxes drove me to my doom!?
And when he’s gone, we won’t relax,
We’ll still be after the inheritance tax!
Hey maybe you’ll get a refund!
The above poem was brought to
you by the following taxes:
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment
Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax, Gasoline Tax
(42 cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax,
interest expense (tax on the money)
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges and Penalties
(tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemploment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Taxes
Utility Taxes
Vehicle Taxes
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
None of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was (then) the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely no national debt, and had the largest middle class in the world.

Things just aren’t the way they used to be, and that sounds especially sad coming from me, as I’m not yet even 30 years old.
I remember getting my driver’s license, when it wasn’t unusual to find gasoline for $1 a gallon or less. My father refused on principle to pay more than that, and would drive miles out of his way on fumes to save a few cents.
He still does that, but he’s now more likely to run out of gas long before he finds a good deal.
These days, a station selling gas for $2.73 a gallon makes the evening news, and people line up around the block, raving about what a great deal they are getting.
When I first got out of college, I could fill the tank of my car for about $10. Now it’s $25 or more, on average, and I drive a pretty small car. With all the talk in the news about fuel conservation, I’ve been trying to think of ways that I can save a buck or two.
When I was in high school, one of the most popular weekend activities (for those who had access to a vehicle) was what some of you old-timers probably know as ‘cruising.? However, today’s teenagers might confuse the term with keeping tabs on Tom, Katie and baby Suri.
When I was a teenager, it meant spending Friday and Saturday nights driving from one end of town to the other. Did I mention I come from a very small town?
Now I wonder what kids do for fun. With gas topping nearly $3 per gallon, ‘cruising? seems a foolish choice. Going to the movies now will cost you about $10, provided you don’t purchase any snacks or have a deadbeat friend sponging off of you.
Nope, things just aren’t the way they used to be. Now they are even changing one of the true staples of Americana, the Monopoly board game.
The new version will have airports instead of railroads, and will feature landmarks and attractions such as Las Vegas Boulevard and Pike Place Market in Seattle.
Go online to www.hasbro.com/monopoly and vote for your favorite landmark through May 12. The top vote-getter from each city will earn a spot on the board.
The Monopoly Here and Now edition is due out this summer, and will also feature ‘contemporary? tokens, as well as higher rents.
I just hope they aren’t getting rid of the little shoe. Maybe they’ll replace it with a hybrid car.

Next Tuesday, May 2, Lake Orion Schools will hold an election to see if voters approve of a Headlee override, which would allow the district to levy up to 18 mills on non-homestead properties, the amount approved by voters last year. The 18 mills approved in 2005 are subject to being reduced each year because of a Headlee rollback.
Without the override, the district stands to lose about $400,000. Over the past couple of months, you have no doubt noticed the abundance of articles run in The Review, regarding the district’s budget crunch. Below is a response, which unfortunately did not include the name of the writer, only ‘A Very Concerned Parent.? I couldn’t print it as a Letter to the Editor, but I will print it here.
‘In recent weeks, I have read several articles about budget cuts at Lake Orion Schools. This week it was 20 pink slips handed out district-wide. Then this weekend, I received two letters. One was about fourth and fifth-graders being given a survey titled ‘Me and My World,? and the other was 10th and 11th-graders being given a survey titled ‘Attitudes and Behaviors.?
Both of these surveys are 75 minutes long, and both will be sent to a company in Minneapolis for processing. In my house, when we implement budget cuts we start with the things that waste time and money. Never would I consider cutting a family member before I cut the fluff.?
Regardless of how you view the district’s spending, you should vote. I won’t bore you with long-winded speeches about how it’s your fundamental right as an American. But there are a couple of reasons I think you might want to get yourself to the polls next week.
If you are a business owner, you will be footing the bill. Maybe that doesn’t bother you, maybe it does. The only way to get the message across is to vote.
It’s also been argued on our opinion pages that if the override passes, business owners could pass the extra expense onto consumers in the form of higher prices. Or, in my case as an apartment-dweller, higher rents.
Of course, if you have students in the district, you probably don’t want to see more programs cut, especially when the district is handing out pink slips and talking about cutting the number of textbooks, as well as resources like the Moose Tree Nature Preserve building.
Regardless of whether or not you are a parent, local education should matter to you. These kids are your future employees, teachers and government leaders. The polls will be open on May 2, 7 a.m.-8 p.m.

Some of you may recall a column I wrote in January about my particular distaste for the overkill of cell phone use.
Well, I recently upgraded my own cell phone, but not because I plan on actually using it more. I received a decent offer from my cellular company to upgrade to a GPS-capable phone, for free, with no requirement to agree to a contract extension.
My current cell phone was one I upgraded to several years ago, after I got tired of the snickers my old phone induced. It was about the size of shoe, and just as heavy.
At the time, I was pretty proud of that new phone. Now, it seems important to have the GPS-capability, in order to make it easier for the police and EMS crews to locate me (or someone I might encounter on the highway) in the event I end up lying in a ditch somewhere.
So I decided this was a good deal. I received my new phone in just two days (the phone was ‘free,? but I was charged $9.99 for shipping, and they made use of every dime of it by sending my new slim phone in a box that would accommodate about 25 of them).
I spent much of that evening playing around with it, listening to all the ring tones (just the musical ones that come with the phone, I’m not into downloading any), and updating the contacts list with the meager 6-7 cell phone numbers my old phone contained.
I decided I liked this new phone better. It was a shiny blueish-silver color (my other was a dull boring gray), and the fonts were much larger and easier for a vision-impaired person like myself to see.
I also liked that the phone was smaller and lighter than my old one.
So when my boyfriend got home from work, I was excited to show him my new phone.
‘I got my new phone today, want to see?? I asked, eager to share my excitement with someone.
‘Sure,? he said. ‘What’s it do??
‘Um…it’s a phone. It makes calls,? I said.
‘No, what does it do? Does it have a camera??
Grrrr.
Maybe I’m behind the times a little when it comes to cell phones, but I like it that way.

In the April 5, 2006 issue of The Lake Orion Review, we ran an article about some issues downtown business owner Bob Eschrich said he has been having with the Lake Orion Police Department.
Eschrich told the Lake Orion Village Council that he believes he’s being targeted for excessive regulation by the police, who he said are driving his patrons away.
Eschrich cited one incident, in which he said a police officer pulled a 19-year-old patron out of the bar, who was drinking a glass of pop, and had her take a breathalyzer test.
At the Council’s next meeting, held on April 10, Ellen Thomerson, a member of the Orion Area Youth Assistance Board, said she supported such behavior by the LOPD, saying that part of the OAYA’s mission was to keep kids away from such activity as underage drinking. She said it was good to know that the LOPD was working so diligently to keep intoxicated drivers off the streets.
I would agree, it is comforting to know there is a police presence keeping an eye out for such activity. But there is a line that can be crossed, when diligence might become harassment.
It’s unfortunate that the Village Council opted to have LO Police Chief Jerry Narsh respond to Eschrich’s comments in writing, to be considered attorney-client privilege, and therefore not available to the public.
So, for all intents in purposes, this now becomes a game of ‘he said, she said,? in this case, ‘Eschrich said, the LOPD said (or rather, can not say).?
The issue could also likely end up being resolved in court, as Eschrich has said he will seek an attorney if the alleged harassment continues.
While I would agree that it is important for the police department to have a strong presence in the downtown, especially on weekends when most of the unsavory activity occurs, I would also say that Eschrich has every right to make a living and run his business.
To say because part of his business happens to be a bar, he should be targeted for undue harassment is wrong, as long as he is operating his establishment as the law lays out.
I can see that where alcohol is present, trouble sometimes follows. But some people enjoy a drink with their meal, and probably aren’t going to frequent a place where police are a constant presence.
When the Sagebrush Cantina reopens its doors downtown this summer, will the police be hanging around?
Just something to ponder.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English.?
In the first year, ‘s? will replace the soft ‘c.? Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c? will be dropped in favour of ‘k.? This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome ‘ph? will be replaced with ‘f?. This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e? in the languag is
disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th? with
‘z? and ‘w? with ‘v.?
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o? kan be dropd from vords kontaining
‘ou? and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech ozr. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und aftr ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas it on to ozr pepl.
***
On the subject of email forwards, normally I delete them without even bothering to open them. This one I did open, and I found it rather amusing (hopefully you did too).
I think most of the time, especially when it’s a ‘sign this online petition? one, or ‘please voice your opinion on this? one, people forward them on without even bothering to open them and see what they are about. Pass the buck (and the annoyance) onto the next person I guess.
If the forward is amusing, I don’t mind. A joke or a funny story, that’s fine (as long as you don’t overdo it). But when every other email I get is junk, instead of a nice ‘How have you been?,? it’s a little annoying.

There seems to be a lot of finger pointing and name calling going on these days at Orion Township Hall.
First there was the debacle in 2004 with tax information from the Gingellville Community Center going missing from the Township Assessor’s office.
That led to a report being filed with the Oakland County Sheriff’s Department, a lot of finger pointing among the Township’s Board of Trustees, and no real resolution, other than some security measures being refined at Township Hall.
According to an OCSD report, there were also some accusations among board members, including then treasurer James Marleau offering to take a lie detector test if clerk Jill Bastian would do the same.
Here we go again.
The latest round goes to supervisor Jerry Dywasuk and Bastian. Dywasuk says Bastian called him a liar in front of a live and cable television audience at the March 20 board meeting, regarding how much he knew about the township’s contract with Diane Young of the Athena Group, to make investments for the Township.
The story was first reported in The Review on March 15.
Instead of calling for an independent investigation into whether Diane collected commissions she wasn’t supposed to be collecting while investing Township funds, the Board decided to give Alice Young, who is Diane’s mother-in-law, another chance to field their questions about the matter.
The Review first reported that Diane Young was being contracted by the Township to invest funds in 2004. At that time, Alice disclosed that Diane was her daughter-in-law, and abstained from voting. Diane was hired, and to be paid up to $5,000 for her consulting.
At the time, no one on the board seemed to think this was a bad idea. In fact, in The Review article this week, Dywasuk said the township was ‘acting in good faith? when they decided to contract with Diane.
I know we are all guilty at one time or another of not always reading the fine print. But when you are representing an entire township, you definitely do. It wasn’t a stretch of the imagination to see how this might end. There is an old saying about how family and business don’t mix.
Hopefully the board can clean up this mess, and get back to doing the business they were elected to do, instead of taking lie detector tests.
Now, as to why Orion Township’s taxes are still rising daily when the Township has $70 million lying around to dally around in the investment world is a column for another day.

This is the time of year when every other day you hear the TV weather people talking about how ‘spring is just around the corner.?
Two days later, of course, they are talking about the latest snowstorm forecasted to blow through the area.
If you’ve spent a significant amount of time living in Michigan (in my case, I have lived in this state all of my life…going on 30 years), you learn a thing or two about jumping the spring gun during the month of March.
March is entirely unreliable, and a weather-tease.
Like most people, the warm temperatures and sunny days we experienced at the start of the month had me thinking about spring.
I went online and started browsing the spring/summer clothes, and even ordered a couple of pairs of flip-flops in preparation for the soon-to-come-day when I could kiss my sensible winter socks goodbye for another four months.
By the way, I am a certified flip-flop addict. And no, I wouldn’t dream of wearing them to meet the President. But I do love them for the average-running-around-town type of day.
They are comfy and come in so many styles and colors now that you might even hazard to call them fashionable.
But I digress. The point of this is I have ordered shoes that I know very well I won’t be able to wear for at least another two months. Because Michigan winters vary anywhere from four to six months in any given year.
I’ve seen snow and ice storms towards the latter part of April. With the wacky winter we’ve had this year, I wouldn’t be surprised to see that happen.
You just know we are due for punishment sometime here.
I’m not really a winter person. I don’t ski or snowboard, and I don’t like the cold. I also hate driving in the snow, although like most seasoned-Michigan winter people I can do it if I have to.
I like flip-flops. I hate wearing socks. I love dashing outside without worrying about whether I need a coat or not.
Why am I living in this state?
I have often fantasized about making my escape to a warmer climate, where my flip-flop wearing ways will be welcome (and practical) year-round.
But for now, I’ll have to be content to keep dreaming of spring.
And if these 50-60-degree days keep happening, I might even be tempted to say it’s just around the corner.

Last week, the FX channel debuted a new reality show called Black. White. On the show, through the magic of airbrushed makeup, a white family and a black family swap races, and go undercover to find out how the other half lives.
The families live under one roof for the duration of the show, and get to watch as each member experiences a variety of different situations, masquerading as a different race.
At first I thought this show looked a bit gimmicky. I mean, isn’t this what Michael Jackson has already been doing for years?
In fact, after the black father first saw his son in ‘white? makeup, he remarked that he looked like Michael Jackson. But race is more than just a ‘skin color? issue. There is history and culture to consider as well.
The white father and black father were having a discussion about how the white father, while wearing black makeup, would react the first time he was in a situation where someone made a derogatory remark to him, or said a racial slur to his face. The white father said he would do what he thought all black people should do in that situation, simply say ‘yeah, whatever,? and turn the other cheek.
That’s probably easy enough for him to do, because he’s not really a black man. He’s a white man wearing black makeup. At the end of the day, he doesn’t have a sense of history that a black man would have in that situation, and therefore he couldn’t really take what was said in the same context.
On the other hand, the black father seemed to always be waiting for racism to happen to him at every turn. I don’t doubt it exists, but just walking down the street with the white father in black makeup, he remarked ‘See how that woman stepped away from us?? The white father said he didn’t really find that unusual, as they were taking up the sidewalk.
The black father also remarked that he couldn’t wait to uncover hidden racism while disguised as a white man. He did encounter one particularly ignorant fellow, whom I pray will not be made to represent white America on the show.
Life is what you make it, and you can choose to react to a situation in a certain way that could make the outcome more positive. However, it’s also true that a white person can’t ever really know what it’s like to be black in America, just by slapping on some black makeup and strolling through Compton. However, I hope the program might generate some honest conversations. I know I’ll be watching. Black. White. airs on Wed. at 10 p.m.

We are a culture obsessed with celebrities. I am just as guilty as the next person. I have long had an addiction to celebrity ‘tabloids,? (although not the REALLY bad ones, like Star or the National Enquirer) and I can’t seem to stand in line at the grocery store without picking one up.
I know I am just fueling the paparazzi-craze by looking at them. But for some reason, I just have to know what Brad and Angelina, Ashton and Demi, and Britany and Kevin, are up to this week. If you don’t know who I’m referring to, bless you. You’re a better person than I.
Last year I decided I would beat this addiction and made it my New Year’s Resolution not to waste another $2.95 on another magazine.
Nevermind I could easily go home in the evening, flip on the TV, and hear the same celebrity news over and over again, for free (well, at least for the cost of the cable bill).
The point was, I was going to stop bringing home this trash on paper. This lasted a couple of weeks. Next, I decided I would subscribe to one magazine and read only that one.
This, it seems, has finally proven the cure. Since I’ve forced myself to sit down and read this one magazine after it comes in the mail every week (or feel guilty about forking over $60 for a one year’s subscription), I’ve lost my taste for celebrity news.
I’ve had time to scrutinize this one publication (which shall remain nameless), I notice they constantly contradict themselves week after week, nevermind that most of the stories are fake to begin with.
But at least they are amusing, as they often attempt to describe what a particular celebrity was dining on when they got the big break-up call or found out their ex was having a baby with someone else.
I no longer give a hoot who Angelina is adopting this week, or what Brad did that made Jen cry again yesterday.
These people are strangers. They make astronmical amounts of money to look pretty and be fashionable, and occasionally do a few months of real work.
Or, if they are Paris Hilton…what exactly does she do, anyway?
I’m not wasting another dime. I’m doing myself a favor this year, and letting my magazine subscription expire.

Well, for me too. I love the Detroit Zoo.
By now, most everyone has heard that the City of Detroit is considering letting the Detroit Zoo close its doors, after the city council refused to approve an agreement that would turn control over to the Detroit Zoological Society.
The Detroit Zoo director said the zoo’s doors will stay open until at least May 1. Since the news broke, people have been rallying to keep the zoo going, including Channel 7’s Bill Spencer, who started a ‘Growl for Action? campaign to help raise funds.
To date people have donated about $20,000 to the effort.
As of Feb. 22, the city council was reviewing a revised plan that could keep the zoo’s doors open.
We already went through this with Belle Isle. If the Detroit Zoo closes its doors, what are the kids to do?
I grew up in a small town situated closer to Toledo, Ohio than Detroit. During my childhood, I remember numerous trips to the Toledo Zoo (which is excellent, by the way), including a much-talked about second-grade class trip.
A friend who teaches at an elementary school in Dearborn makes the trek to the zoo every year with the kids in her class. I’m sure the same is true for a lot of other area elementary schools.
Growing up, the class trip to the zoo is something you always remember. The zoo itself is something you always remember. It’s a fundamental part of childhood.
I remember going to see the pandas when they were on loan to the Toledo Zoo, and not too many years ago, I waited in line two hours to see their baby elephant.
My friends and I try to get to the Detroit Zoo at least once every summer. Now I’m wishing I had gone more often, sounds like they could have used the money. More than once I considered getting a membership, and if I had kids, I would have.
Educational aspects aside, a trip to the zoo is just a great way to spend an afternoon.
I admit, I still act like a kid when I get there, wanting to get right to the front to get a good view, and of course loading up on stuffed animals and other goodies.
To let it slip away would be criminal. It might not be as glamorous as Detroit hosting the Super Bowl, but this is something everyone needs to get behind, especially the City of Detroit.

I thought I had literally seen everything on the Internet, but every once in a while I run across something new.
My boyfriend picked up a desk calendar at the after-Christmas sales that featured a crazy website for every day of the week.
So far the calendar has proved to be pretty entertaining.
One of last week’s offerings was the website www.petsinuniform.com.
And yes, it is exactly what it sounds like.
For $29.99 (or the holiday special of $19.99), they will create a photo of your beloved dog or cat (or I’m guessing ferret, rabbit or whatever your pet-preference may be), in a military uniform.
The site advertises: ‘Imagine your dog, cat or other pet in full military regalia. We make this fantasy a reality. Using the latest digital techniques, we combine a photo of your pet with the uniform and background of your choice.?
My question is, what do they propose we do with this photo? Display it proudly on top of the TV? Hide it in shame? (Bingo!).
I’ve heard of people commissioning paintings of their pets (my parents have one, but it was a gift). Some people have them professionally photographed.
I understand that, to an extent. Pets often are, and should be, beloved members of the family.
But they do not serve in the military. Actually, there might be a few dogs that do, but I don’t think they get uniforms.
It also seems to be mocking the uniform itself. For a lot of people, wearing a military uniform is a proud family tradition.
Sticking your St. Bernard’s head in it seems a bit disrespectful.
Not to mention the creepy factor. Go ahead, take a look. You know you want to. I’m going to be having nightmares thanks to a couple of these.
I also like the before and after photos feature. Because we might not recognize Fluffy after they get done with him.
In the gallery of pets, you will find that you can also have your pet put in an astronaut uniform, if you so desire.
Do people actually order these??? If you know someone who has, please let me know. I promise to keep their name private and only laugh at them in secret.
And last time I checked, $30 was still $30. If you are this desperate to get rid of your cash, send it to me. I’ll give it a good home.

And I didn’t leave town once.
I’m not big on crowds, and I knew Super Bowl weekend would draw plenty of them out to downtown Detroit.
I went to Motown Winter Blast last year, BEFORE it was a big deal. It was a lot of fun, except it lived up to its name by being frigidly cold and windy.
However, that giant snow slide they were saying so much about had a three-hour wait, so we passed.
This year it could have been more aptly named a Spring Blast, at least the start of it. We all know this weather won’t last though.
I’m happy to see Detroit in the spotlight being represented (hopefully) well. I’m sure Kwame was just happy to be in the spotlight.
I’ve always been fond of Detroit. I’ve traveled to a lot of cities…New York City, Chicago, Las Vegas, Toronto…they’re all great, but I still like Detroit.
I’m not a huge football fan, however, so it was hard for me to get too excited for Super Bowl. I do like to see the commercials though.
This year celebrity guests, performers and MVPs at the Detroit Super Bowl each received a gift ‘bag,? which was actually a piece of gift luggage, filled with goodies valued at $15,000.
Included were diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, a $1,500 watch, designer slippers and a lot of other expensive stuff.
In the segment I was watching on one of the local network news programs, the anchor asked if celebrities really appreciated all this stuff. The PR person explaining the gift bag assured that they did.
Right.
Are Kanye West or the Rolling Stones really hard up for some more ‘bling?? The last thing these people need is another expensive bauble to toss in the back of their closet.
Instead of presenting these celebrities with yet ANOTHER gift bag (it’s award season…so most of these people are picking up another $20,000 gift bag every other week) why not make some type of donation to charity?
Maybe the NFL could say, as way of thanks, besides all the money celebrities are already getting paid, we are going to make a donation in their name in the amount of $15,000 to the charity of their choice.
Perhaps some celebrities already do this, but they could donate their gift back to a worthy charity to be auctioned off. It’s just that $15,000 gift bags seem like such a waste to me.
I know, I know. I’m dreaming.

The Michigan Food and Beverage Association recently released the results of Parade’s 2005 What America Eats survey, asking Americans what their favorite snacks are, as well as the most popular place to consume those snacks.
I myself am an evening snacker. I grew up in a house where no TV or movie-viewing experience was complete without a bowl of popcorn or a bag of chips.
I still have problems sitting down to watch a program without having something to nibble on. Most of the time I’m not even hungry. It’s something of a learned behavior I guess (maybe that’s just a nice way of saying it’s a bad habit).
According to the survey, 77 percent of the respondents said their most popular snacking location was at home in front of the TV. Good to know I’m not the only one.
Only 16 percent said they snack in front of the computer. I’m guilty of this also. Maybe it just looks too much like a TV, and my brain immediately switches over into ‘must snack? mode.
I learned my lesson though. The first time you spill a glass of pop or drop chip crumbs into your keyboard, you do. It’s never worked the same again.
Of those surveyed, 37 percent said they replace lunch or dinner with a snack when there is not enough time to eat a meal, or when they can’t decide what to have.
Doesn’t the snack then, by definition, become the meal?
In college I often survived on ramen and popcorn. At the time they seemed like good ‘meal? options. I have a friend who is a grown woman, a second-grade teacher, who is known to eat a bag of microwave popcorn and call it dinner.
Her philosophy is, if she wants popcorn, and it’s dinnertime, why not just have the popcorn? I one-upped her by confessing to once making a ‘dinner? of garlic-flavored croutons dipped in ranch dressing.
Single girls can get away with this stuff I guess. I have a boyfriend at home but I rarely cook for him. He doesn’t eat much anyway. But I’m guessing most people couldn’t throw a bag of croutons and a bottle of ranch dressing on the table and call dinner done.
Croutons, garlic-flavored or not, didn’t make it into the most popular snacks. Number one was fruit (76 percent). Popcorn and ice cream were 74 and 72 percent respectively.
Fruit or ice cream? I think someone’s lying.

I started actively trying to get healthy, eat better and lose some weight long before the New Year, starting back in October of last year.
Between October and early December, I managed to lose 20 pounds by exercising about 20 minutes a day, and good, old-fashioned just-eating-less.
Then the holidays came.
I actually didn’t do too bad between Thanksgiving and the end of Christmas. I didn’t ‘pig out,? but I didn’t deprive myself of too many holiday goodies either. Everything in moderation.
However, since Jan. 1, I haven’t exercised a single day, and I haven’t really been putting together too many balanced meals either.
I’ve decided not to make weight loss my official New Year’s resolution this year, as that always seems to set me up for failure. Resolutions put too many expectations on people.
I received this poem through my email, and thought I’d share it. Author is unknown.
Twas the month after Christmas and all through the house, nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste. All the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (felt like I carried some lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared, the gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese. And the way I’d never said, ‘No thank you, please.?
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt, and prepared once again to do battle with dirt—
I said to myself, as I only can ‘You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!?
So—away with the last of the sour cream dip, get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and dip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished, till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie—not even a lick. I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie. I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore—But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet!

A couple of weeks ago we printed a letter to the editor from a Rochester Hills man who was angry about receiving a ticket while parked in his in-laws? driveway in Lake Orion on Christmas Day.
The man said he received a $20 ticket from Officer Barker of the Lake Orion Police Department, because he was blocking the sidewalk.
In the letter, he called Lake Orion, possibly, ‘the most inhospitable town in America.?
Another Lake Orion resident took offense at that, but as his letter was sent via our website and was unable to be confirmed, I could not print it as an official letter to the editor.
I’m printing it in its entirety here instead, because I think the writer also makes a good point, and because it’s always good to hear both sides of the story.
‘Merry Christmas from the most inhospitable town in America, Lake Orion.
No, I don’t think so! We are a community of well-diversified people, from all over the globe.
If you look around our quaint little town, you will find friendly people from all walks of life.
We have our seasonal parades in the downtown area, with the best being the Christmas Parade. If you were to attend, you will see what makes up this quaint little town. We try hard to make people feel welcome when they come to visit.
As for your remark about being hard up for money, just get a parking ticket in the upscale town of Rochester Hills.
I would bet it would cost you three times that where you live.
As for Officer Bob Barker, we don’t like him that much either.
But we all know that he takes his job seriously, and that’s what makes our town a safe place to live.
When you come to visit your Hispanic in-laws again (if ever), please note: We don’t discriminate in our town. Everyone who breaks the law or is in violation will be ticketed, no matter what your heritage is.
It is unfortunate that you had a bad experience on Christmas Day, and I would hope that your in-laws would warn you that blocking the sidewalk could cost your in-laws a lawsuit if someone had slipped and fell while trying to walk around your parked car, a cost that could have been more than the $20 ticket you received.
Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year.?
Remember, if you submit a letter using lakeorionreview.com, please include a phone number so we can verify you wrote the letter.

Cell phones are a pet peeve of mine. I broke down and finally bought one several years ago, when I was in college.
At the time I was doing a lot of driving back and forth between my small hometown of Morenci, Michigan and school at Oakland University in Rochester Hills.
However, I make a conscious effort to never give out my cell phone number, simply because I don’t want people calling me.
I don’t even like answering the phone when I’m at home. I don’t give out my cell phone number, so I don’t have to leave my phone on.
In the event I do have to give the number to someone, I have to turn on my phone just to retrieve the number. I have no clue what it is.
When people ask me if I have a cell phone, I always hesitate. Yes, I have one. No, I don’t want you to know about it.
Thus, I am occasionally ‘unreachable.? I happen to think this is a good thing.
Does it bother anyone else when you are quietly shopping at the grocery store, or perhaps browsing for a good read at the bookstore, when you are suddenly made an unwilling third party in someone’s ‘private? cell phone conversation?
It always amazes me how quickly people using their cell phone in a public place forget to use their ‘inside? voice.
Not to mention the rudeness. I’ve been behind plenty of people who think nothing of answering their cell phone in mid conversation/question-answering with a store clerk.
I’ve even seen people do it in our office in the middle of placing an ad.
And what’s with these crazy ring tones? Do you really need 50 Cent telling you to pick up your phone?
And how come people that decide to leave their cell phone on in the movie theater always have the loudest, most annoying ring tone on the planet?
Cell phones are an easy excuse for not having to think for yourself. Does your wife want this laundry detergent, or the one on sale? Should you get one loaf of bread, or two?
Sorry to sound cranky, but it’s gotten to the point where even elementary children are carrying cell phones.
I didn’t have a cell phone as a kid, yet I somehow managed to scrape by into adulthood.
The next time you are enjoying an afternoon out by yourself, try not answering that cell phone.You might enjoy being unreachable once in a while, if only for an hour or two.